World Spins Madly On
by redsneakers
Summary: stubbornness is never good... I'm suck at summary, can't you tell *wink*
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: I'm trying to write another chapter fic.. been quite a time so I don't know if I can do this. Special thanks for my beta, Auraya-of-the-White. She's a wonderful person! Vielen dank, sweetie!**

**Please comment. I have cookies ;)  
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**Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine. just borrowing.

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"Hey Emily, are you coming with us tonight?" JJ asked as she approached her colleague's desk. She leaned on Emily's desk casually, crossing her arms in front of her.

Emily Prentiss lifted her head from the case file she had been working on. "Huh?" was her only response. She hadn't been listening to what JJ had said, nor had she been listening to whatever her other colleagues had been talking about. She had a lot of work to do; and her head had been pounding since she had gotten up that morning. All she wanted to do now was to finish writing her report and have a long nap at home.

JJ chuckled; it wasn't the first time she had seen her friend so absorbed with work. She repeated her question, "I said, are you coming with us tonight? Somehow Garcia succeeded in reserving the best table in the club for us." When she saw Emily frown, she added, "Don't ask; we don't want to know how."

The brunette gave the younger woman a weak smile. Of course Emily knew how Garcia had done it – she was the one who had told the tech goddess to use her 'family connections' for reserving tables in that particular club if she needed.

"So? Are you coming?" the blonde asked again. It had been quite some time since the last time the team had gone out together to chill out and JJ missed that.

"No, JJ, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm going anywhere tonight," replied Emily. She gave her friend an apologetic smile before burying herself back into the report. She wanted to go – she missed hanging out with the whole team; especially with JJ and Garcia – and more especially with JJ. The younger woman had been her close friend ever since she had been reassigned to the BAU. She didn't think going out was a good idea though. She didn't feel well and she knew what would happen if she forced herself to go hang out with the team. She could not afford to get sick.

JJ was a little taken aback by Emily's unenthusiastic response. She was hoping that the profiler would at least look disappointed at not being able to join them. She wanted to ask if something was wrong, but somehow the words that got out were, "Oh, okay."

Emily nodded absent-mindedly. She didn't see the hurt look on JJ's face as the younger woman left her desk to talk with Morgan and Reid.

***

The day had been slow, and without any emergency cases, so the team had time to finish writing their reports. At half past five, everyone was ready to leave – except Emily. She had had a hard time concentrating and kept on making mistakes so she hadn't finished her paperwork yet. Morgan had heard the woman mutter something in a foreign language every time she had made a mistake. He had teased her about that but to his surprise, Emily hadn't reacted

"You sure you're not going, Prentiss?" the dark agent asked as he gathered his things. "Hotch gave us three days to finish that up," he pointed out.

The tall woman gave him a tired smile. "Three days, that's if there's no other case that comes. I'll have to do double the amount of work if there are any. No, thank you," she said, making her point. "You go have fun and stop bugging me," she added.

Morgan shrugged. He patted his friend on the shoulder and called out for Hotch and Rossi to hurry up. One by one the team members – except JJ – stopped by her desk and asked her to drop the work for the day without any luck.

After another two hours, Emily finished writing her report. She was tired and her body ached. She groaned as she stood up – she had spent the whole day sitting down and she felt so stiff. She looked around the office and found that everybody on her floor had already gone home. She sighed. She needed to go home now too.

She gathered her stuff and walked out of the office. She had walked no more than a few steps when she felt the world spin around her. She swayed and leaned on the nearest wall. _Uh oh_, she thought, _this is not good_.

She brushed her sweaty forehead with her hand and her frown deepened. _Am I getting a stupid fever?_ She groaned at the thought. The slender woman let her coat and bag drop to the floor before she slumped down, sitting cross-legged. She pressed the back of her head to the wall to lessen the pounding. "This is so not funny," she muttered.

The brunette contemplated for awhile whether or not she should drive home in her condition. She thought she was strong enough to drive but she didn't want to take the chance of ending up in a hospital bed. That would be the last thing she needed. She sighed. She thought of calling her mother's chauffeur to come pick her up, but that was another bad idea – if her mother knew she was ill, she would not leave Emily alone. She didn't want Elizabeth Prentiss to be around her, criticizing everything about her, when she wasn't fit to reply with sarcasm.

_Oh well, I'll just spend the night in my car then_, Emily decided. She picked her bag and coat and half-dragged herself to the parking area, several levels below. The parking area was cold and Emily shivered a little. She opened up her car and climbed into the back seat. Before she lay down on the leather seat, she threw her car keys on the floor, along with her coat and bag. It was cold in her car, but she couldn't bring herself to turn on the car engine. She was too tired. Within minutes, Emily fell asleep.

"_I am... stubborn, and I admit it, so it's okay."_

-Mila Kunis-


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"_Friends are concerned about our safety"_

-Mark Kwapis-

At the club, JJ was having a hard time having fun. She didn't know why, but Emily's reaction earlier had bothered her a lot. She kept on glancing at her watch and unconsciously wondering if her friend had finished her paperwork and gone home. She regretted not asking the brunette if something was wrong, and she regretted not stopping by Emily's desk to say goodbye before they left the office.

The blonde had thought of calling Emily on her cell, but refrained from doing so – just in case Emily needed some time alone. The problem was that JJ couldn't stop thinking about her. Emily was a great person to hang out with; she always managed to crack silly jokes and make funny retorts in almost every situation.

JJ glanced at Garcia; the blonde agent was having a great time with Morgan. Garcia was also a wonderful person to hang out with. She was hilarious – even Rossi had admitted that once. JJ smiled. Garcia was one of her closest friends and she was grateful to have her. And Emily; the brunette was also her close friend. The woman sighed as her mind wandered back to Emily. Tonight's night out had felt different in a way – and she knew that it was because of Emily's absence.

"You don't look like you're having fun, JJ," Hotch nudged her elbow with his beer mug. "Something bothering you?" the unit chief asked concerned. He had noticed how tense the media liaison had been since they had left the office.

The younger woman nodded. "I'm just tired," she said, avoiding the questioning look in Hotch eyes.

Aaron Hotchner patted his subordinate on the shoulder, "Relax a bit. You deserve it. And don't worry about Emily, she'll be fine."

JJ's head whipped upwards at the mention of Emily's name. "How did you... I didn't..." she stammered.

The unit chief chuckled, "You've been looking at your watch since we got here, JJ. And I know that Emily is one of your closest friends – we all want to be surrounded by our friends when we're having fun, right? Now if you're tired, why don't you go home and rest some yourself?" Hotch then turned his attention to Rossi, who was talking – or more like listening – to Reid.

JJ glanced at her watch for the last time – it was past ten pm and she decided that it was time to call Emily. She reached for her phone and speed dialled Emily's phone. She let it ring until it went to voicemail. She frowned; and she tried again. After trying three more times in vain, JJ decided to go to Emily's house.

She told her colleagues that she was calling it a night and bade them goodbye. What she didn't tell them was that she planned on driving all the way to Emily's house to see if the woman needed anything. Now that she thought about it, Emily had looked a little pale that morning. JJ rushed to her car and started the ignition. She hit the gas and hastily drove away.

***

It took JJ about half an hour to reach Emily's house. She was surprised – and a bit disappointed when she saw that Emily's car was not parked in her normal spot. She tried to call her house phone but again, the call went straight to Emily's voicemail. She thought for a moment before driving away. The only other place Emily might be at now was the office. She took a quick look at the digital clock on the dashboard. It was eleven. JJ sighed inwards. _Emily Prentiss, you really need to prioritize_, she muttered in her head.

As JJ got into the parking area, her eyes wandered around. There were still several cars parked on the parking garage, but her trained eyes quickly looked them over. She knew what car Emily drove and where she usually parked it. She caught a glimpse of Emily's SUV and she parked her car next to it. JJ didn't bother checking inside the car, instead, she rushed into the office. She kept on pressing the up button for the lift, hoping that by doing so, the thing would move faster.

The blonde half ran into the bullpen and almost tripped twice on the way. She stood wide-eyed in the middle of the room when she saw that the office was empty. "Emily?" she called out; she was beginning to worry. She walked over Emily's desk and saw that her coat and bag weren't there. Panic began to settle in her stomach and she didn't like it. She strolled as fast as she could to Rossi's office, only to find it locked from the outside. Emily's comment about him being an anal-retentive neat freak resounded in JJ's head but this time, it didn't make her laugh. She tried Hotch's office but no one was there, either.

She stopped to think. There was no way Emily could sleep in Garcia's office, it was too small. She eyed the break room, it was empty. Then she remembered her office. She smiled, trying to calm herself. In more than one occasion when the brunette had been too tired to drive home, she had spent the night in JJ's office. The liaison then walked quickly to her office. She opened her door as quietly as possible, just in case Emily was asleep.

JJ felt cold when she found her office also empty. _Where are you, Emily?_ she asked in her head. She entered the lift and pressed the down button. JJ suddenly remembered that she hadn't checked Emily's car. She smacked her forehead with her hand and rushed out of the lift to where their cars were parked.

"Emily?" She called out to her friend as she approached the car. She didn't even lower her voice. She thought it was silly of Emily, sleeping in her car like this. It wasn't winter, but the weather was still chilly. "Em?" She pulled the handle of the backseat door and opened it.

To her surprise, the car wasn't locked. And it was empty. No one was inside the car. JJ blinked; as if by blinking, Emily would suddenly appear on the seat. Her heart beat faster and she began to panic. She reached her phone and dialled Emily's number again. JJ almost jumped when she heard a loud ringtone from under the backseat. She squatted and found Emily's phone – along with her car keys, coat and bag – there.

Without thinking, JJ called Hotch. She could hear the loud noise at the background as the man picked up the phone; Hotch was still at the club. "Hotch," JJ said, her voice filled with panic and fear – she was about to cry. "Hotch, I can't find Emily."

"_Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit."_

-Bertrand Russell-

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**a/n: so, what do you think? **


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: sorry for the delay. I was sick last week. Thank you for all your kind comments and encouragements. And thank you my dearest Auraya-of-the-White, a.k.a. Ex :D you're the best!**

**Dislcaimer: Not mine.

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Chapter 3

"_I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction."_

-Dalai Lama-

**Location: Unknown**

**Time: 11.05 pm**

Emily stirred. Her sleep had been restless and now she felt worse. Her body was burning up and she couldn't open her eyes. She tried to move – it was an even harder task than to open her eyes. _I must be really sick_, she thought, feeling uneasy. Then she felt something cool on her forehead; something damp. She sighed inwardly and thought _JJ must have found me_. She felt at ease as the thought crossed her mind.

"You're awake," an unfamiliar voice said, barely above a whisper – sending chills down Emily's spine. She struggled to open her eyes; panic beginning to form in her mind. She shivered uncontrollably from her fever and fear. "Ssshh... it's okay, I'm going to take care of you," the voice said again softly. Emily flinched inwards as a cold finger touched her face. She felt invaded – and she couldn't do anything about it.

_Don't touch me..._ she pleaded in her mind, wishing that she had the strength to say it. Her breathing grew heavier as the finger ran across her cheek, and down to her neck. "Go back to sleep, Emily," the voice whispered. The finger left her. The woman sighed in relief as she heard footsteps moving away from her – at least she was going to be left alone. _For now_, her mind before she could stop the thought. "Go back to sleep, Emily," the voice demanded again. "Everything is going to be alright. I'll be watching you."

Emily didn't want to go back to sleep but she was exhausted – and her fever definitely made things worse for her. She fought the urge to fall asleep with no luck. She didn't know if slumber greeted her, or if she plain passed out soon after the thought.

***

**Location: FBI Building, parking area level 2**

**Time: 12.35 am**

JJ was still sitting on the floor, holding Emily's coat, when Hotch and the team arrived in their cars. Garcia half jumped from the car and rushed to JJ without bothering to park her car properly. She pulled the smaller woman from the floor and hugged her. JJ didn't react; she couldn't felt numb with shock.

"JJ, hey girl, it's okay," Garcia said when she realized that JJ was in some of trance. The computer wizard looked at Hotch helplessly when she couldn't bring JJ back down to earth.

Hotch took JJ's arm, steadying her. "JJ, look at me," he ordered. His voice was soft and firm at the same time. "JJ?" he shook her and sighed in relief when the blonde woman blinked and her eyes came to focus. He watched as her blue eyes began to fill with panic.

"Hotch, I can't find Emily," she repeated what she said on the phone, her voice shaking. "I couldn't reach her and... and she left her coat and bag and phone and..." she looked at Hotch. "I can't find Emily."

Hotch nodded. "I know, I know. It's okay. We're going to find her, okay?" he assured her – hoping that he could keep his promise. "Now let's get you inside; you're freezing," He motioned Garcia to take JJ. The unit chief was about to tell his team to work the scene when he realized that everyone had already started to do so. It was their friend's – family member's life - at stake now and there was no time to waste.

Hotch and Rossi followed Garcia and JJ inside. They needed to know what JJ knew – or what she didn't know. They had never seen the press liaison so confused, so broken like this before; except when Reid had been taken. Hotch sighed. He told Garcia to pull the security cameras' feed and study them as soon as JJ had been seated in one of the chairs in Hotch's office.

The tech wizard blinked at Hotch's request. She didn't want to leave her friend, but she knew that they didn't any have time to lose – and she knew that JJ was in good hands. She turned around and ran to her office down the hall.

The unit chief put his own coat around JJ and began to ask her questions softly; as if talking to a child. JJ replied in short, broken sentences. All she could think about was Emily and her whereabouts; she barely heard what Hotch was asking her. When Hotch was done, it was JJ's turn to ask questions.

"We're going to find her, aren't we?" the blonde woman asked. She was still holding Emily's coat, clinging to it as if it would bring Emily back. The look in her eyes broke Hotch's heart.

"Of course we are," he said. He hated to say what he was about tell JJ, but at the moment he needed all the help he could get – Emily Prentiss needed it. "JJ," Hotch said. "We're going to get Emily back... to you, to us, but I need you to focus right now. I need you to focus on finding her."

JJ's blue eyes met Hotch's deep brown as the realization hit her. She was not helping Emily by panicking. She nodded. "I'm sorry, Hotch," she said; her voice steadier than before. She stood up as she saw Garcia walked towards them, holding a laptop.

"Get everyone in here," she said in a businesslike tone. "You're not gonna like it," she added.

***

**Location: Unknown**

**Time: 12:50 am**

A wave of nausea awoke Emily up. She shivered and bit her lower lip to stop herself from throwing up. She was too weak to move, and the last thing she needed was to choke on her own vomit. She felt a hand on the nape of her neck, pushing her to the side of the bed, and she couldn't hold the vomit any longer. She threw up. She was still too weak to open her eyes and too weak to struggle when her face and mouth were wiped clean with a damp cloth.

Emily didn't know how many people were holding her captive. Her ears were ringing – she knew she was terribly sick. Her body stiffened as the hand on her neck moved to the front of her blouse. She panicked. _Don't touch me... don't touch me... JJ... Jennifer help!_ She screamed inside her head.

"_To suffering, there is a limit; to fearing, none."_

-Francis Bacon Sr.-

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a/n: is the plot too slow? please tell me what you think. thanks.  
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	4. Chapter 4

**a/n: Actually I didn't intend on posting this chapter today.. but a fellow writer kinda succeeded in persuading me to post it. I'm not sure if I like this chapter.. and I'm not sure if you guys will like it, either. But I hope you do. Comments will be appreciated. :)**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

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Chapter 4

"_**Never deprived someone of hope; it might be all they have"**_

**-Anonymous-**

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**Location: FBI: BAU, Hotch's office**

**Time: 01:03 am**

JJ was unable to avert her eyes from the screen before her. She couldn't comprehend how someone could just drive into a secure parking building and take an agent out without anyone noticing. They had been replaying the security camera feed in the parking area over and over.

At four minutes past eight, the security camera showed Emily walking – or what looked more like dragging – herself to her car. It showed the tall woman getting into the backseat of her car and closing the door. A few minutes later a dark SUV was seen approaching Emily's car. The driver got out of the car and without hesitation opened Emily's car door, carried the woman into his – or her – own car, and slowly drove away.

"It doesn't make sense," Rossi finally said frustrated. Every pair of eyes turned to look at him. "The Unsub didn't even stop and look around; it's as if he knew that Emily was in her car. He didn't even look around to see if he chose the right car. It's as if..."

"He had been targeting Emily in the first place," Hotch continued grimly. If this attack was not random, then Emily might be in bigger trouble. He avoided saying it out loud. Somehow by not saying it everything turn out better on its own.

Everyone shifted nervously. Who would target an FBI agent as their victim? Nobody in their right minds would think of kidnapping an FBI agent right out of a building full of highly trained agents. But then again, it had just happened to one of them.

"Don't we have to contact Emily's parents?" JJ asked. The thought of having to call the Ambassador made her feel uneasy. Even though Emily hardly spoke about her family, JJ could see that the brunette was not on really good terms with them, especially with her mother. She had never mentioned her father – and now JJ wondered if Emily's relationship with the man was as disastrous as it was with her mother.

Hotch shook his head; the thought of having to tell Ambassador Prentiss about her daughter made him frown deeper. "No," he said. "At least not tonight. I will make the call personally, JJ. And I will inform Section Chief Strauss about it right now – she would want to know." Before lifting his phone, he told Garcia to track the satellite stream around the time of the kidnapping, and he asked Morgan to talk with the parking building's guard. Rossi took Reid to check how many people were in the building when it happened.

JJ didn't move from where she was seated. She pulled up another feed that Garcia had taken from the security camera, the one that showed her friend swooning and sitting down on the floor. Emily was sick; JJ was sure of it now. She didn't realize that she had reached out to touch the computer until her finger met the coldness of the screen. She pulled her hand back, glancing at Hotch. She was relieved that Hotch was still talking with Strauss seriously, his back facing her. From the little that she heard, she knew that Strauss was giving him hell.

She sighed. _Please be okay, Emily_, she thought. She closed the monitor and stood up. She needed to do something to get her mind off of the worst outcomes. She left Hotch's office. The last thing she had heard before closing the door behind her was Hotch's angry tone saying, "I don't believe my job is at stake right now, Ma'am. You were the one who put Agent Prentiss in the BAU, and this is not the right time to talk about it."

JJ was so angry. Emily was in danger and all Strauss thought about was her own reputation! It pissed her off. She strutted to Garcia's office, restraining the urge to go back to Hotch's office, yank the phone away from him, and give Erin Strauss a piece of her mind. Her heart was bleeding – and she didn't know why the thought of losing Emily was less bearable than the thought of losing Reid when he had been taken by Henkel. _Because Emily means more than Reid could ever mean to you_, a little voice tried to rationalize. She ignored it.

***

**Location: Unknown**

**Time: 01.00 am**

Emily didn't realize that she had really screamed out for help until a strong, calloused hand covered her mouth, muffling her voice. She tried to move her hand – but the hand holding her down was too strong. She forced her eyes open – only to see nothing but blinding darkness around her.

"Get the needle here!" the same voice ordered harshly and Emily heard footsteps running away from wherever she was now. "Behave, Emily," the voice was soft, but bore a spiteful threat.

The footsteps came back – with the needle, Emily assumed. She struggled weakly and she let out a small groan as she felt the person knell on top of her – she heard a rib, or two, crack inside. The pain was so bad it blinded her. The pain was soon replaced by haziness, as her captor injected whatever drugs were in the syringe.

The brunette started to feel numb; she couldn't control her limbs, but she didn't pass out. She flinched a little when the hand caressed her cheek. "I adore you so much, don't you know, Emily? I've been watching you. Lucy has been watching you, too."

Emily gritted her teeth, fighting the drugs that started to cripple her body and thoughts. She hissed, "You will never break me!"

The person laughed. "That's what everyone said, Emily," it whispered. "Now why don't we get you out of this thing? You're sweating," Emily felt the hand move to unbutton her blouse. She tried to scream, but this time, nothing came out.

Emily lay fully conscious – with no control over her own body. She couldn't see, she couldn't move, she couldn't make a sound. And the worst part was that she could still feel everything; she could still hear everything.

The ill woman forced herself to shut down her remaining senses as the hand removed her top off of her. A tear fell from the side of her eyes when she felt it moved lower to her pants. She tried to think of something else and out of nowhere a pair of bright blue eyes came across her mind. She relaxed a little... and her mind began to drift away.

_Jennifer,_ she whispered in her mind._ My Jennifer, take me home..._

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**_"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live." _**

**-Mark Twain****-**


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: sorry for the delay in updating. I'm having family emergency at the moment, and I still don't know where to go with this. I mean, this story used to be a great idea.. not so sure anymore. Anway, thanks a lot for the comments, alerts, and favorites. You guys are very nice. :) **

**Disclaimer: not mine even though I'll swap it with my turtles if they're willing to give it to me.**

**Okay, here we go.. please tell me what you think.  
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Chapter 5

"_Now I am weary and I can no longer tell Good from Evil, and I need someone to show me the way."_

-Jean Paul Sartre-

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**Location: FBI: BAU**

**Time: 02:30 pm**

JJ cracked her eyes open and saw that Hotch was covering her with his coat. She didn't realize how long she had been asleep – she felt a little guilty for being able to sleep in such a situation. She was exhausted. The emotional outburst she had had with Elizabeth Prentiss and the false lead they had pursued earlier this morning had drained her energy to the lowest limit. But that was not her reason for taking a break from finding Emily. She gritted her teeth as she remembered what had happened.

_Flashback..._

_At around eight in the morning Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss walked into the bullpen as if she owned the building. She demanded to see Hotch without addressing anyone else in the office. The team had been working tirelessly on finding Emily since they had found out about her kidnapping and having someone like Elizabeth Prentiss interfering with the case was the last thing they needed._

"_Where is my daughter?" were her first words upon seeing Hotch. "I demand an explanation. I was called earlier by Section Chief Erin Strauss from a very important meeting; she told me that my daughter was _missing_. Such a silly word, isn't it," The woman ranted, making a disgusted expression as she went on, "since she was taken from the FBI building?"_

"_Ambassador, if you would please come with me to our briefing room, I'll explain the situation to you," Hotch remained calm the entire time and he addressed the woman with a politeness she did not deserve._

_Elizabeth Prentiss scoffed, "Situation? Just tell me who took her and I'll handle him myself – what does this man want if not money?"_

_Before Hotch could say anything, Rossi cut in. "Look, Ma'am. Believe me, if you haven't received any ransom notes by now, your money is the last thing they want," he said. "And we won't get anywhere with your attitude, so if you don't want to listen to what we have to say, you may leave and don't waste our time. Emily needs us."_

_The woman in front of them bewilderedly looked at Rossi but she didn't say anything. Rossi was senior enough to get away with such rudeness, even to an ambassador. She followed the two men to the briefing room._

_Hotch tried to explain what they thought had happened as briefly as possible. He, too, didn't want to spend too much time with nonsense talk and debating. But Elizabeth Prentiss only made a harsh comment about how Hotch could not do his job. She mentioned Emily once – when she said that her daughter had made the biggest mistake of her life in joining the BAU. JJ lost it right there. Just before the Ambassador walked out of the door, JJ stood up and started to fire words at her._

"_How could you say that about your own daughter? What kind of mother are you? Don't you worry about the person you keep on calling 'your daughter'? 'Your daughter' has a name; do you even remember her name?" JJ said, half yelling. She was so angry and she felt hurt on Emily's behalf. How could such a sweet person have this monster as a mother? It was a miracle Emily didn't fall apart as a child. "You didn't even ask us if she's in great danger! Is that what you call being a mother?"_

_Never in her life had Elizabeth Prentiss been treated like she had been now. She turned around; her eyes meeting up with a pair of very angry blue eyes. Her icy brown eyes locked with JJ's blue ones but her words were directed to Hotch. "Agent Hotchner, would you mind telling your agent here that I do not tolerate her impoliteness? I will make sure that this is reported to the Section Chief and the Assistant Director. And Agent, I will be waiting for a public apology as soon as this... situation is dealt with." With that, she left the room._

_JJ waited for either Hotch or Rossi to reprimand her; and for Morgan to give her a disapproving look. But she got none. Morgan patted her on the shoulder instead and Hotch gave her an encouraging smile. They shared the same feelings – and they were happy that JJ had been brave enough to give the other woman a piece of her mind._

_Soon after the Ambassador left, Garcia said she might have found something; a possible address. They hurried there, hoping to find Emily and catch the Unsub. The raid was in vain. They found the van that was used to take Emily from the Federal parking area, but the vehicle had been cleaned. They found only some unrelated small fingerprint, on the back door of the van. Some children may have been playing around the neighborhood and somehow touched the car. _

_The team came back frustrated, tired and worried. JJ had had enough. She excused herself and went to her own office. JJ did not cry – at least not openly. She shed a few drops of tears before she fell asleep on the sofa in her office._

...

"How long have I been asleep?" JJ asked groggily, sitting up. "What time is it? Any news? What did I ..."

Hotch smiled at her reassuringly. "JJ," he cut off her ramble. "It's okay. You didn't sleep long and you needed the rest." The tall man calmed her. He took a seat in front of the young agent and sighed. JJ did not look well. He knew that this case had taken a toll on everyone, but he knew that it hit JJ the hardest. He had some ideas why, but he pushed the thoughts away. "How are you holding up?" he asked.

JJ shook her head tiredly. "It's not me we should be worried about, Hotch," she replied. She started to feel the urge to cry building inside her and she held back the tears. "And I should be working instead of sleeping. Emily... she needs us to work hard for her."

"And she needs you to be well rested in order to focus on saving her, JJ," replied the unit chief. He squeezed JJ's hand. "We're going to get her back. I promise." Hotch stood up and walked out of the office. Then at the door he turned back and asked the question that had been in his mind for some time. "JJ, I know this is not the right time... I just wanted to know something... what does Emily mean to you?"

To his surprise, JJ answered quickly, without even blinking. "She means the world to me, Hotch. And she's not only just a friend. She's my family." The blonde eyes locked with Hotch's. Somehow JJ didn't find Hotch's question odd. "And I'd do anything to get her back to me."

The unit chief nodded, a small smile appeared on his face before a frown replaced it. JJ didn't seem to notice – the young woman was already busy with her own thoughts. Hotch sighed as he left JJ's office, closing the door behind him. He didn't want to think about the worst but he had to think about every possibility. _Emily Prentiss, where are you?_ he thought. _Please hold on a little longer, we'll get you back!_

***

**Location: Unknown**

**Time: 05:00 pm**

"JJ?" Emily called out. She felt so light and happy for a reason she could not explain. She smiled as she saw the blonde approach her and smile. Emily tried to touch her, but somehow she couldn't move her hand. She frowned and she tried again – no luck. She yanked at her hand harder – but it felt glued to her side. "JJ?"

JJ laughed and started to walk away. She didn't say anything but she kept smiling at Emily and Emily felt her heart flutter. "Don't go," Emily said. She wanted to follow the beautiful blonde but somehow she couldn't move her legs and feet. "JJ, wait!" she called out. "Wait up! I can't move, JJ!"

Emily saw that JJ had stopped not far from where she was but somehow she looked blurry. Emily blinked hard and shook her head but the image didn't become clearer. JJ didn't come closer.

"Everything is going to be okay, Emily," JJ said in a low whisper that made Emily shivered with fear. It was not JJ's voice at all. She watched as the woman in front of her started to fade away; she stared in panic as the warm surroundings around her disappeared.

She began to smell the foul odor of the room and she felt the dampness around her. She began to feel the aching and the burning sensation in her body. Emily gasped. _No, no, no! I don't want to be here! Wake up Emily, wake up!_

Emily flinched as she felt a hand, cold as ice touched her bare thigh. "You're awake," it stated. "It's okay, Emily. I'm taking care of you," the whisper was soft. Emily didn't move when the hand travelled up to the side of her hip – she would not give this monster the satisfaction. She didn't move when she felt something sharp piercing her skin – another needle. "You'll feel better soon, Emily. We're taking care of you, aren't we, Lucy?"

A small voice answered somewhere in the dark, startling Emily's already hazy mind, "Yes." This time Emily struggled to remain conscious although her effort failed. _A child! There is a child in here!_ was her last thought before she gave in to the bliss where a pair of welcoming blue eyes were waiting for her.

Little did she know that she keep repeating the same name over and over again in her unconscious state, and little did she know that every single time she mentioned the name a cut was made on her skin.

"Jennifer," Emily whispered unconsciously. She didn't feel the cut, she didn't feel the slap on her face and she didn't hear the whimper of the little girl called Lucy from the corner of the room every time the beating began.

Emily was lost in her own haven.

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"_Truth hurts – not the searching after; the running from."_

-John Eyberg-


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Again, sorry for the late update. My beta is swamped with her homework and the least I can do is not to push her to read my long and winding story. I really don't like this chapter. Seriously, this is the longest chapter I've written and I don't like it. :( My self-love was (and is still) in the lowest level when I wrote this. Well, I'll just shut up and let you decide for yourselves then.  
Thank you Ex a.k.a Auraya_of_the_White, you are the most awesome, the most dedicated, and the most responsible person I've ever met. Thank you for the beta. I owe you.**

**Disclaimer: not mine, never mine, never mind.  
**

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Chapter 6

"_They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."_

-Tom Bodett-

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**Location: FBI: BAU**

**Time: 05:47 pm**

Morgan eyed JJ as the press liaison checked her phone for the hundredth time. He frowned every time he saw the same sad look on her face right after she did so. He wondered if the woman was waiting for someone – Emily – to contact her.

This case was both frustrating and exhausting. Morgan could hardly keep his eyes open but he knew he would not be able to sleep properly until they found Emily. He tried not to think of the possibility of not finding Emily as he glanced at JJ again. The blonde was now on her phone, but it seemed that whoever she was calling didn't answer the phone because she hung up looking disappointed.

The dark agent had just started to stand up and ask her if there was anything he could do when Garcia suddenly barged into the briefing room, muttering to herself – almost every head turn to look at her.

"What happened?" Morgan asked, hoping that it wasn't bad news.

"I'm stupid, that's what happened," the tech wizard replied without really looking at anyone. She was busy attaching her laptop to the projector but she kept on talking. "So I've been trying to enhance the satellite feed and I've been freeze-framing every second of what we got in the security camera – something that I should have done last night instead of leading you on a wild goose chase – and I noticed something. I missed it at first," she rambled on, looking rather displeased when she continued, "and I missed it again the second time. But like they said the third time's the charm..."

"Garcia, get to the point, please," JJ cut in, rather annoyed. Everyone gave her a quick glance. It was unusual for JJ to be so harsh with Garcia. And apparently she realized it, too and blushed, "I... I'm sorry. It's just..."

The shorter woman smiled understandingly at her friend. "Okay," she continued. "Look what I found," she pressed a button and the screen on the wall projected a blurry frame – enhanced by several magnifications – with a red arrow and a circle on the far right side.

Reid moved closer to the screen. He gasped as he realized what it was. "Oh! It's a hand!" he exclaimed.

Garcia nodded. "It isn't just a hand – it's a kid's hand," she added.

Morgan hit the table hard with his fist. "The small fingerprints we discovered in the van!" he said.

"The Unsub probably didn't realize that a child touched the car again after he cleaned it up," Hotch said. "Garcia, run the prints. Find out everything we can about this child. Why would the Unsub have a child with him?." He looked at the personnel files scattered everywhere in the briefing room. "We have to rearrange the files. Prioritize on the people who have children under twelve; separate people who are single parents – both male and female – from the ones who are still married. Separate the ones who are divorced with children but not the main guardians for them. Put the ones who live near this area and those who don't in different piles. And don't forget to look for people who live near Emily's area – children or no children."

JJ was the first to move. This was new lead – bringing new hope of finding Emily. She wasn't going to waste a single second. _We're getting closer, Emily, _she whispered in her head. The blonde took a large pile of files and began sorting. She worked as fast as she could – no longer tired as adrenaline pumped into her blood, providing her the energy that she needed.

Morgan saw how motivated JJ was now. He silently hoped that this lead wouldn't crush the blonde's hope again. He took a seat in front of her, taking stacks of files with him. "Hey Jayj," he said. The blonde glanced over and gave him a weak smile. He reached out and touched her hand, stopping her movements. "We're going to get her back," he tried to reassure her. Morgan realized that he hadn't been the best of friends towards JJ on the Henkel case and he wanted to make it up to the woman. The press liaison didn't say anything at first and Morgan was surprised when she spoke up a couple of minutes later.

"Thank you, Derek," JJ said. She had needed time to process what Morgan had said earlier. She saw the dark agent nod and they returned to sorting the files. There were too many files to read and there were not enough people – Hotch didn't want anyone outside the team helping them in case the Unsub had an accomplice in the office.

The team was so engrossed with the sorting that they were surprised to hear someone's phone ringing. JJ picked her phone up and without thinking, said, "Emily!"

Garcia didn't expect the reaction and suddenly felt stupid for calling JJ. She knew what the press liaison had been doing – Garcia had caught her calling Emily's phone in the rest room. "No, sweetheart, it's Pen," she said.

JJ blushed. What was she thinking, blurting out Emily's name like that? "Oh, sorry," she whispered. "I'm putting you on speaker."

"Savannah Taylor," Garcia began. "Age 7 now. She was kidnapped from a children playground in Charlottesville, Virginia two years ago. Case was never solved – no witnesses, no suspects. Parents Dennis Taylor and Olivia Abram-Taylor; one younger brother, Erick Taylor. Lead detective: Terrence Wilson, Charlottesville PD. Sending you the files now."

"Thanks Garcia," JJ said before hanging up. She looked at Hotch; her hope rising.

The unit chief furrowed his brows. Now they had two cases on their hands. "Morgan, Dave, I want you to go to Charlottesville, find everything you can find – talk to the lead detective, talk to the parents."

***

**Location: Charlottesville Police Department, Charlottesville, VA.**

**Time: 09:13 pm**

Rossi had contacted the lead detective and had told him about the case on their way there. It hadn't been a long flight and Morgan had sped all the way to the station from the airport. They had introduced themselves to the lead detective, a balding middle-aged man, who then showed them what he had pulled out from the records room.

"At first the parents were eager to find their daughter," he explained as the two agents were reading the files. "But their hope faded away and they told me they didn't want to deal with it anymore."

Rossi sighed. He had seen a lot of people losing hope after some time, accepting their loved one's deaths even though their bodies were never found. He remembered the hopeful look in JJ's eyes when they got this lead, and he prayed that the look would not go away. "Now that we have a new lead about the child's whereabouts. I wonder if they're willing to talk to us," he said.

Detective Wilson nodded. "I called them after your call. The wife seemed reluctant to help, but the husband said he would do anything to help the missing agent even if he couldn't get his daughter back."

"Bless him," Rossi said. "Let's get going then."

***

**Location: FBI: BAU**

**Time: 10:15 pm**

Reid was walking to the break room to get another cup of coffee when he heard someone talking. He saw a pair of cleaning ladies in the BAU bullpen, sweeping the floor and emptying trashcans. The young agent couldn't help but overhear the conversation as the two women talked loudly.

"... unworthy. She's absent again, you know," one of the ladies complained. "Four times this month, I don't know why she isn't fired yet."

"She said her kid was ill the last time," the other one said with a thick Italian accent. "The child was what? Eight? Poor little girl, she seems to be ill all the time."

"Seven. She doesn't care about the kid. Just a few weeks ago I saw the poor thing waiting in the rain without any coat," replied the dark-haired friend angrily. "She was freezing and she refused to come inside when I asked her, the kid said she would be angry if she didn't stay where she was told to. Now what kind of mother that is, letting your kid freeze to death. You know, I don't even think that the kid's her child. She doesn't even look like the bitch."

Reid listened to the conversation attentively; his coffee long forgotten. The more he listened, the more he was sure about something. He stepped out of the break room and addressed the two women. "Excuse me," he said – polite as always. "You were talking about your absent friend earlier. May I know what her name is?"

The two women were surprised. They didn't know that someone was listening. They blushed, embarrassed to be caught gossiping. When they saw Reid didn't scold them, the Italian woman replied, "Sara Mendell." Then she added guiltily, hoping that she didn't get her colleague in trouble, "You're not going to tell our boss about it, are you, sir?"

The young agent shook his head. "That is the last thing on my mind right now," he replied. "You said she has a child? A daughter?"

"Yes, sir. She often brings her here if she works the nightshift, a very shy kid, I must say," the other woman replied.

"So you've met her? And you know what she looks like?" Reid asked, hoping that the answer would be yes. When both women nodded, Reid asked them to follow him to the briefing room. "Don't worry, ladies, you are not in trouble."

They met Garcia, who was on her way to the rest-room, and Reid asked her to find any information she could about Sara Mendell. "I have a hunch," he told the blonde. Reid hurried into the briefing room, snatched a photo of Savannah Taylor from before the kidnapping, and showed it to the two women – leaving two very confused agents inside the room.

"Oh my Lord, this is Lucy! She does look younger though," the woman with the dark hair exclaimed. "How do you get her picture?"

Reid didn't answer her. His heart was racing. He thanked the women and returned to the briefing room, where JJ was already on the phone with Morgan. He was at the Taylors' at the moment and Hotch was scribbling something on a sheet of paper while the unit chief was talking with Garcia.

"Come up here, Garcia," Hotch ordered before hanging up. The older man met Reid's eyes. "We heard. Garcia will be here soon and give us the info. Good job, Reid," he said encouragingly.

The young prodigy smiled nervously, taking the nearest seat. He was glad he had gone to the break room earlier – then he remembered. "Oh, my coffee!" He jumped out of his seat and ran through the door, almost knocking Garcia over. "Sorry Garcia," he shouted.

Hotch smiled his first smile in the last 24 hours. He glanced at JJ and was relieved to see that the younger woman looked amused hers. The woman had hung up, too.

"Morgan said the father wanted to be informed about his daughter no matter what. He said he had given up hope, but if we can get Savannah back he will be forever grateful," JJ said. _And if I can get Emily back in my arms, I will never let her out of my sight anymore_, her mind added.

Hotch nodded. Garcia handed them the files and they began to read. As soon as Hotch read the background information he frowned. Sara Mendell was a troubled woman. She had been abused by her own mother when she was a child and had been sent to live with her grandparents. She had spent her whole life in therapy – she had even been hospitalised for two years when she was a teenager, but there was no information about why. From what Garcia had found, it seemed that this Mendell woman had changed jobs several times without any difficulty. No marriage certificate; no indication that she had given birth to any children. Hotch was angry. What was HRD thinking? They were supposed to dig everything up about anyone before they could work at the Bureau. How did they miss something so important like this: Sara Mendell didn't have a child until two years ago and then suddenly the child was seven years old! He made a note to have a word with the people in the Human Resource Department later. They had bigger task at hand right now.

"The address in this file was the one we had raided earlier, Hotch," JJ pointed out. "And there's no other addresses listed here."

"When you ran the plate number, what was the name of the car owner?" Hotch asked Garcia.

The blonde sat up straight. She typed into her laptop. "Lucille John, sir. But she's deceased. It says here that she died on a car accident about two years ago. Oh," Garcia gasped as she read. "she was pregnant when she died."

"Find the connection between her and Sara Mendell, and if you can't, just get us the addresses of all her property," the unit chief said. "Let's just assume that these two women are somehow connected. We need to find Sara Mendell – and her accomplice. I don't think she's smart enough to do this on her own."

Garcia typed as fast as she could. "Her parents left her three properties, a house in Baltimore, a villa in Chesapeake Beach, and a cabin somewhere near Prince William Forest Park."

Hotch stood up. "Send the address of the cabin to my phone. Call Morgan and Rossi, tell them to fly there ASAP. JJ, call for backup. We're going to need it," he said as he walked outside the briefing room, JJ and Reid following him.

Garcia did as she was told. Morgan and Rossi were on their way to the airport when they received the call and they said they would go straight there. When there was nothing else she could do but wait, Garcia couldn't help herself. She rummaged through Emily's handbag and found her phone. The battery was still half full when she tried to turn it on. The first thing she noticed was there were a lot of missed-calls and voice messages on the phone. The woman sighed as she recognized the numbers. "Oh JJ," she whispered sadly as she realized what had happened. The press liaison had called Emily's phone over and over just to hear Emily's voice – and she had left dozens of messages, too. Garcia turned the phone off and put it back where it belonged. _I never saw anybody loved so deeply... without knowing about it_, was her last thought before heading back to her office.

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"_One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."_

-James Earl Jones-

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**a/n: what do you think? ready to kill me?**


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: Hey, sorry it takes long to update. I hope you haven't given up yet with my story. :) I'd like to thank everyone for commenting. Sorry I can't reply it one by one. **

**thank you: Ex, my dearest beta. You're awesome as always. ((hugs)) this chapter is for you.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.. anyone wanna get it for me for Christmas? ;)

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Chapter 7

"_Obsession does not necessarily mean sexual obsession, not even obsession for this or for that in particular; to be obsess means to find oneself caught in a mechanism, in a trap increasingly demanding and endless."_

-Jacques Lacan-

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**Location: Lucille John's cabin, Prince William Forest Park**

**Time: 11: 10 pm**

The cabin was pitch-dark when the team – minus Rossi and Morgan – got there. Hotch divided the back-up agents into several teams, making sure JJ was with him. He had asked the woman to wait in the car but she wouldn't listen to him. She needed it. She hadn't said it out loud, but Hotch knew what she was trying to say. She needed to be there for Emily and she needed Emily to know that she was there for her. Even though it was against his better judgment, Hotch finally let JJ come along.

JJ was nervous. This was the worst raid she had ever been part of and she was afraid that the outcome may not be as good as she expected. She pushed the thought away and forced herself to focus. _I'm here, Emily. I'm taking you home_, she whispered.

Hotch didn't wait long. He signalled every team and they forced their ways inside. The first thing that hit them was a putrid smell – it was so bad that JJ heard some agents gag. The blonde stopped breathing through her nose and kept on walking behind Hotch, gun drawn.

"Sara Mendell?!" Hotch shouted, trying to keep his voice level. "Sara Mendell, this is the FBI!"

***

Emily heard noises somewhere, but she didn't know if they were real or just her imagination. She didn't even know whether she was awake or dreaming. The woman had been staring blankly at the darkness for the past hour – her eyes devoid of emotion. She was tired of waking up in different places every time she closed her eyes. It was like living in two different universes without knowing which was real. She was tired of not knowing whether the darkness she had been staring at was real. Emily had lost track of everything and she did not believe in her senses anymore.

The brunette didn't flinch when hands closed around on her neck, suffocating her. She didn't gasp for breath; she didn't struggle – not that she had the strength for it. Emily let her breath be taken away from her, little by little.

"No one can have you if I can't, Emily," a whisper came as the hands tightened. "Not even your _Jennifer_. It will be a thrill to watch your _Jennifer_ see you dead, won't it?"

At the mention of her name, Emily blinked. _Jennifer_! She choked as she tried to move away, but the hands were far too strong and she was too weak. She started to lose consciousness when she heard the door was kicked open. Flashes of light blinding her were the last things she saw.

***

"Let her go, Sara!" Hotch's voice was steady when he spoke, his gun pointed directly at the woman who was trying to strangle the figure on the bed. The unit chief tried not to look at Emily; he didn't want to distract himself. That could create more trouble. He prayed that JJ would be too busy upstairs to hear him. He didn't want the press liaison to see Emily like this. "Let her go. It's over," Hotch repeated, a threat in his voice.

Sara Mendell didn't look at Hotch. She had her focus on Emily – who was now unconscious. She could see the woman in front of her clearly now – badly bruised and wounded, and a tear escaped from the corner of her eyes; she loosened her grip. "She's meant for me," she whispered. "I'm taking care of her. Lucy is, too."

Hotch didn't waver at the mention of the little girl's name – even though he had caught a glimpse of a small figure chained to a wall in the shadows, when he had entered the horrible room. His focus was on Sara. "Sara, let her go," he said more firmly now. "You're hurting her, can't you see? Let her go, Sara. I don't want to shoot you."

"Why not?" she asked. "I have nothing to live for anymore. They took my Lu and the baby away from me. Now you're going to take Emily away, too," she rambled.

"You have me, Mommy," a small voice whispered from the corner of the room before Hotch could say anything.

Hotch felt a stab in his heart when he heard the voice. It was unexpected and sad at the same time. A tortured little girl, trying to offer comfort to her torturer. Hotch knew that Savannah – Lucy – might not remember who she was before the kidnapping, even though it had only been a couple of years. The girl could really believe that this woman was her real mother.

"You heard her, Sara. Do you want Lucy, _your daughter_, to see you get shot?" Hotch said, emphasizing the words 'your daughter'.

The disturbed woman laughed bitterly as she released Emily's neck from her grips. Her eyes never left Emily as she stepped backwards. Hotch moved swiftly to cuff the woman, who, to his surprise, didn't try to struggle at all. The unit chief motioned to one of the agents who just appeared at the door to take her away and to help the girl. He bent over the bed and reached out to check Emily's pulse, still trying to not look at her. He took off his FBI jacket and covered Emily's naked body with it.

He still heard the girl calling for Sara when the woman was taken in custody, while he was trying to find a pulse. He was relieved when he felt a faint pulse. He motioned to someone to get the paramedics inside.

"Emily!" Hotch turned around and saw JJ at the door. Her eyes were widened when she saw the horrific scene before her. The blonde moved quickly to the bedside and knelt. She checked for her pulse but she couldn't find it, her hands cold and trembling. She looked at Hotch helplessly. "Hotch, is she..." she couldn't finish her sentence.

Hotch shook his head. "She's alive, JJ. The paramedics are coming," he replied firmly, hoping that his words would assure the young woman.

JJ sighed in relief. She nodded and turned to see Emily. JJ whispered words of encouragement in Emily's ear. One of her hands stroked Emily's hair, and the other hand found its way to hold Emily's – their fingers entwined.

JJ still didn't let go of Emily's hand when the paramedics came and put the unconscious woman on a stretcher. She didn't see Hotch when the man walked past her, holding the little girl in his arms. She didn't see the look on Reid's face when he came down to the torture room. She didn't see Morgan and Rossi get out of the car; she didn't hear Morgan calling her. She saw no one else but Emily.

***

**Location: Potomac Hospital, VA**

JJ couldn't stop looking at her watch while she was sitting on a hospital-issue chair in the waiting room. She was alone. The guys were still working on the case and Hotch had told her they would be in right after they finished what they had to do. The unit chief had even tried to make sure that JJ understood that all he and everyone wanted was to be with her and Emily, but they had responsibilities – processing Sara Mendell, informing the Taylors, informing the Ambassador, among other things. Emily was still in an emergency room and she was worried sick. She had seen her injuries when the paramedics had tried to treat her in the ambulance and she was horrified by the extent of them. Emily's body was bruised badly and there were a lot of small cuts on her skin – not deep enough to leave a scar, but deep enough to make her bleed. And there were the puncture wounds. JJ shivered involuntarily remembering the injuries.

Emily had only been gone for less than 36 hours and already she was in bad shape. JJ closed her eyes and silently prayed for her friend to be okay.

Garcia arrived at the hospital a couple of minutes later to find her friend sitting alone on the waiting room with her eyes closed and head hung low. Garcia sighed. It was hard for all of them, but Garcia knew that JJ was the one who had felt the hardest blow. The woman sat quietly beside her friend and pulled the smaller woman into a hug.

"She will be okay, Jayj. Emily is strong," Garcia comforted. "You have to believe in her."

JJ shook her head defeated. "You didn't see her there, Garcia. Emily was..." JJ couldn't find the right word to finish what she wanted to say. She didn't have the time, either, as a doctor came out of the emergency room, calling her name.

JJ jumped from her seat. "Is she okay?" she asked the doctor. "Can I see her?"

"She is still unconscious, but I can assure you she's out of danger. She has multiple wounds and bruises and she was injected with drugs – we're lucky she didn't overdose. We are letting the drug run its course out of her system, she may be still disoriented when she wakes up. She has two cracked ribs but they will heal nicely," the doctor explained. "We still have to monitor her for at least 24 hours to see if there are complications. You can see her, but please no more than one visitor at a time."

Garcia smiled when she heard the news, but JJ still looked worried. The young press liaison looked uncomfortable as she began to ask the doctor another question. "Um, Doc, I... um... was she... err... I mean, the kidnapper was a woman but I..." JJ looked flustered.

The doctor nodded understandingly. He smiled at the two women encouragingly. "There was no sign of sexual assault, agents. Don't worry. Now please follow me if you wish to see her," he said.

JJ sighed. She was relieved to hear that Emily hadn't been raped – one way or another. She still considered every touch on Emily a violation and she hated it. She looked at Garcia, asking her friend's permission to see Emily first. When the other woman nodded, JJ smiled and hugged her before following the doctor.

***

Emily looked so different in a hospital gown, JJ thought. The brunette was pale and her face was bruised. JJ moved closer and reached out to touch Emily's hand. She held it loosely for fear of hurting her friend. Her other hand moved to stroke Emily's hair, her eyes fixed on the sleeping figure in front of her.

"I'm so sorry, Emily," JJ whispered close to Emily's ear. "I'm so sorry."

JJ was startled when a whisper came out of the unconscious woman, "My... Jennifer."

It was as if something broke inside JJ when she heard those two words. The blonde could no longer hold the tears she had been pushing back since they found Emily. She broke down and sobbed, holding Emily's hand.

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"_There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."_

-Washington Irving-

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**a/n: what do you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: hey, sorry for not updating for some time. have a lot of personal issues going on. Well, I hope you guys still follow me. :) And sorry for not replying to each of the comments, it is not nice of me, I know. :(  
**

**Dedication: for my new color sister Auraya-of-the-white, aka Ex. Thank you for the beta. I'm glad you're fine now. Please don't fall ill again, I'm worried sick. ((hugs))**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.. I wish it is. :(

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Chapter 8

"_A child understands fear and the hurt and hate it brings"_

-Epicectus-

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**Location: Children Ward, Potomac Hospital, VA.**

Hotch was relieved when Garcia informed him that Emily was fine and that JJ was with the brunette at the moment. He had been worrying about the two women – especially about Emily. He wanted to go and see Emily, but he couldn't leave the little girl alone.

The unit chief glanced at the girl sitting up straight on the hospital bed, eating a bowl of soup a nurse had brought her earlier. Hotch was still unsure what to call the girl. Would she respond if he called her Savannah? Did she remember that she was not _Lucy_ before two years earlier? Would she freak out if he called her Lucy? The dark-haired man sighed audibly. Cases with children were always the hardest, but usually he had Emily to deal with children.

Emily Prentiss... the woman was gifted with children, Hotch thought. No matter how difficult, how insecure the children were, they usually warmed up pretty quickly to Emily. Now he was the one who had to talk to the kid – a victim, yet also an accomplice in Emily's kidnapping. Hotch didn't know if he should pity the child or if he should feel nothing at all.

Hotch glanced at his watch, it was only a couple of hours before dawn. The child should sleep, but from what he saw, the chance of her falling asleep was slim to none. It seemed like the girl was used to being up in the wee hours of the morning. He was thinking of talking to the girl right now, before child services and her real parents arrived, and he finally decided to do so.

The man walked inside the room. He stopped a couple of steps away from the bed, hoping that he wouldn't scare the girl. The blond-haired girl looked up; her blue eyes meeting with Hotch's dark ones.

"Hi," the man greeted softly. The girl replied with a faint smile. She didn't say anything when Hotch asked her if he could sit by the bed, but she nodded slightly as an answer. Before Hotch could say anything, the little girl spoke up.

"Where is my Mommy?" she asked with a tremble in her voice. Hotch saw that she was trying to hold back her tears and his heart broke at the sight before him. She was just a little girl; this was too much for her to bear – she didn't deserve this.

"Your Mommy is fine, sweetie," Hotch tried to assure her. He was half hoping that she would start screaming so he wouldn't have to continue the conversation. To his surprise, she only said 'oh'.

"Is Emily okay?" the girl asked; she sounded braver this time.

Hotch nodded. This was clearly a good start. "How do you know Emily?" he asked back, hoping that she would tell him something important.

The girl shrugged. "Mommy talked about her all the time before she came to our house. She stays in my room, you know," she replied without thinking. "She is a nice lady – she talked a lot when Mommy wasn't around."

"Did she talk to you?" Hotch asked, encouraging her to tell him more.

"Yeah, well... I don't know. She looked at me but she called me by someone else's name. I told her my name is Lucy, but she kept on calling me Jennifer. She was so sick, but I helped Mommy in taking care of her," the girl – Lucy – stated. Then she leaned in, moving closer to Hotch. She whispered, "Mommy don't like it when Emily say that name. She got angry." She looked around to see if anyone was listening then continued, "I saw how she took care of Emily when she was angry – the same thing she did when she took care of me, too." The little girl showed her bruised arm.

Anger built up inside Hotch when he heard the last things Lucy had said. Mendell had made the little girl see what she did to Emily! The paediatrician had told him about the extent of injuries on Lucy's body – the healing bruises and cuts, but it never occurred to him that the woman had also tortured the child emotionally by letting her see the torture of another person. It was insane.

"Mister," the blond girl called up when she saw that Hotch was lost in his thoughts. Hotch sobered up and looked at her intensely. He saw that the child's emotional walls were on the verge of crumbling down. He could see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart?" he replied ever so softly.

A teardrop fell from one of her blue eyes. "Please... please don't take me back," she choked on her words and cried openly. She didn't pull away when Hotch moved closer and took her into his arms. She grabbed Hotch's shirt as if clinging on for dear life.

Lucy Mendell might not remember anything about her life as Savannah Taylor – but that might be the best thing that happened to her, not remembering, Hotch thought bitterly. How could someone – not to mention a child – survive something so terrible if they had memories of better times knowing that they would never be able to return to those memories?

***

**Location: ICU, Potomac Hospital, VA.**

JJ didn't know how long she had cryied before falling asleep. She didn't even remember falling asleep and was a bit embarrassed when the doctor woke her up, saying that her team was waiting outside. She smiled groggily and said that she would be right out.

The press liaison stood up and looked at Emily. The profiler looked so peaceful in her sleep and JJ smiled again. _Welcome home, sweetie_, she thought. JJ tucked a strand of the brunette's hair behind her ear and without thinking, leaned in and kissed Emily's forehead.

She blushed as she realized what she was doing and quickly withdrew. The blonde looked around and straightened up. She walked out of Emily's room but not before whispering soothing words and promises that she would be right outside and would be back soon. "Sleep well, Emily. You're safe now."

Everyone could see that JJ had been crying – her eyes were red and puffy, but no one mentioned it to her. They knew she needed to let it out.

"How is she?" Morgan spoke up.

"She's still asleep," JJ replied. "I..." JJ didn't know what else to say. She shook her head. Then she realized that Hotch wasn't there. The blonde frowned. "Where is Hotch?" She asked.

"He's still with the Taylor girl," Rossi answered. The senior agent refused to address the little girl as Lucy, even though Hotch had called her that when he spoke on the phone with Rossi. He had seen the Taylors and he had seen what the kidnapping had cost the family. There was no way he would address the little girl by anything other than Savannah Taylor.

"And what about Mendell?" JJ asked again. She was curious about the interrogation now that Emily was safe with her. She looked at Rossi. "If you're here this quickly, I bet she lawyered up pretty fast, huh?"

The older man looked annoyed. "She refused to say anything, demanding to see her _daughter_ first. Told her she has no daughter. And yes, she lawyered up quickly. We'll get to her, JJ. We'll break her," he explained. He nodded at Garcia and Reid. "Look at those two," he pointed out.

JJ turned to see the two agents – each one with their hand on the door handle – arguing about who should go inside and see Emily first. She couldn't help but smile at the scene before her.

"Let go!" Garcia demanded, glaring at the younger man. "I'm her best friend!" She pushed Reid a little to the side, but the man managed to keep the door handle in his grip.

He frowned. "JJ is Emily's best friend," he insisted. "The word 'best' is a superlative degree of adjective, so technically it means only one. There are no two 'bests'. By all means, if JJ is Emily's best friend, then you can't be it. One can't have..."

"Well, I'm her better friend then! And who are you again? Oh, yes, you're only a good friend. For a genius, Reid, you can be pretty thick. If you realize, 'better' is the comparative degree of the word 'good'. And if you remember, 'better' comes after 'best' so it is the second best. And you? A boring plain ol' positive," the woman argued back. "Now scoot before I hurt you!"

Reid was at a loss of words. He pouted and let Garcia in. The young agent grumbled behind the woman, "I'm a doctor."

"I heard that," Garcia said without looking.

Morgan patted the younger agent on the shoulder and told him to get in line. "Emily's not going anywhere, kid."

JJ sighed. That was what she kept telling herself too. Emily was not going anywhere anymore – and she would make sure of it. The young woman took a seat. She was tired but she didn't want to go home and leave her friend. She looked up when Rossi sat beside her.

"You okay?" the man asked, concerned. He had never seen the younger woman look so torn and tired before and he wondered if JJ was going to break down.

The young woman looked up to meet Rossi's dark gaze. "Yeah," she replied after a moment. Honestly, she didn't know if she was okay. She didn't think about it. She furrowed her brows and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Emily's safe now."

Rossi looked at JJ seriously. He didn't believe her, but it wasn't his place to push the young agent. If she didn't want to talk, he had no right to push her to talk to him. He patted her on the shoulder. "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

JJ smiled. "Thanks," she said softly. Rossi's phone rang then and the senior agent left to answer it. JJ glanced and saw that Morgan and Reid were conversing about something a couple of seats away from her. She looked at her watch. It was almost morning but no one seemed eager to head home and get some rest even though they had been working tirelessly for more than 24 hours without proper sleep. _If only you knew that you are this loved, Emily_, JJ said in her mind. She sighed.

***

Emily was still fast asleep when JJ finally came back in the room and JJ was glad that her friend hadn't woken up. She took a seat by the bedside and watched her friend sleeping. _She's a beauty_, JJ thought, and for some reasons she couldn't explain, she felt her heart beating faster. She reached out and took Emily's hand, holding it. The warmth of Emily's hand seeped into her own and it calmed her.

_Emily is alive. She is here. She is safe now_, she thought. She studied Emily's face and was relaxed by the peacefulness that was etched on her face. "Sleep well, Emily," she whispered when she saw Emily stirred a little without waking up. "I will be here when you're awake."

_"But in the garden of simple, where all of us are nameless, you were never anything but beautiful to me."_

_.  
_

_-Ani DiFranco-_

_***_

"_You're just an empty cage, girl, if you kill the bird."_

-Tori Amos-

.

Emily opened her eyes gradually but quickly closed them again since the light hurt her sensitive eyes. She opened them more slowly this time and all she saw was blurry images. The woman blinked a couple of times to clear her vision and she wondered where she was.

She heard a steady beep somewhere above her and she smelled medicine. _What happened?_ she thought. She couldn't move and her body hurt like hell. She lay still and let the memories rush back to her. Her eyes widened as she started to remember everything – every single touch, every single beating, every single cut, and every single time she had drifted away. Her body tensed. _Where am I? Am I awake? _Her mind raced and her heart beat faster. Then she felt someone holding her hand and her first reaction was to move away from the touch. _No, get away from me! Get away from me!_ Emily screamed inside her head. She panicked. She heard the beep go faster and it hurt her ears, too. The brunette tried to yank her hand away but she still couldn't move. She blinked furiously, hoping that she would wake up in a different place when she opened her eyes.

JJ heard the rapid beeping and she woke up. She didn't really feel the stiffness on her neck from sleeping at a funny angle when she saw Emily blinking rapidly with a panicked look on her face. JJ reached the call button and pressed it over and over.

"Emily," she called, fear filling her voice. She cupped Emily's face, half forcing the older woman to look at her. "Emily, it's JJ. Look at me!" she demanded. "Come on, Emily, it's JJ. Please, look at me, Emily."

JJ's voice pierced into Emily's cloud of thoughts. She recognized that voice – she would always recognize it; again, she wondered if she was dreaming. Her blinking stopped and she could see a pair of worried blue eyes looking at her. Her body relaxed a little, but then she realized that her face was being held and she started to panic again. Her eyes widened as she thought that she was going crazy; JJ – or someone who looked like her – was going to hurt her.

"No," she finally able to let out a sound, a hiss. "Don't... touch me!" Emily gritted her teeth.

The blonde was shocked when she heard the words and she let go of Emily's face at once. Emily's voice was raspy and hoarse, and it was clear that the brunette didn't know where she was or who JJ was. Emily was still disoriented. The blonde took a step away from Emily, afraid of scaring her friend. The moment JJ let go, Emily seemed to calm down. By the time a nurse and a doctor rushed in, the older woman had stopped panicking. She was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"What happened?" the doctor asked.

JJ couldn't avert her eyes from Emily but she managed to answer, "I... she woke up and panicked. I didn't know..."

The doctor checked Emily's vitals and everything before turning back to JJ. "Her vitals are strong and good. No problem on that part," he said. "But I don't think she knows where she is now," the doctor added. "Given that she had almost overdosed when she got here, I can't give her anything to help her sleep. Her body still needs to catch up with her, though, and she'll go back to sleep in no time. Did she say anything at all?"

JJ hesitated before finally answering, "Yeah. I was trying to stop her from hurting herself and I touched her face. She was... I guess she was afraid of me."

The doctor nodded understandingly. "Like I said, she still doesn't know where she is, but she will be fine. Just let her rest a bit," he said. "I'll ask the nurse to bring you a blanket. You seem like you can use some rest, too."

JJ smiled. "Thank you, but I'm fine. Is my team still outside?" she asked. She had asked them all to go home and get some rest before she went back into Emily's room, but she didn't know if they had listened to her or not.

"I think there is still one agent in the waiting room, said he's waiting for you. I didn't see him earlier, though," replied the doctor. Then he left the room after reminding JJ again to avoid making the patient panic.

After the doctor left the room, JJ took the chair and moved it a little farther away from the bed, just in case Emily felt threatened. She regarded the sight in front of her and her heart broke. Emily lay still on the bed with no expression. JJ waited until the woman slowly closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep before leaving the room to see Hotch – she was sure it was Hotch who was waiting outside.

***

Hotch expected the disorientation; he had talked about it with Rossi earlier on the phone. What he didn't expect was the lack of emotions after the panic attack JJ told him about. Emily was very good at hiding her feelings and shoving her emotions under the carpet, and if she continued to do so in this situation, it would be a lot harder for her to heal emotionally. Hotch was worried about her. And, glancing at JJ, he was worried about the blonde, too. JJ looked shocked and lost, and she was too proud to admit it.

"It's okay to admit that you need help, you know," the unit chief said softly after a few minutes of silence.

JJ turned her head to the side to face Hotch. "What?" she said; she didn't know if she had heard him correctly.

Hotch looked at JJ. "I said it's okay to admit that you need help," he repeated. "You are not alone in this. We are Emily's friends, too. It wasn't your fault that someone took her away – you are not responsible for anything that happened in the past 48 hours. No one is blaming you – I believe Emily isn't, either – so you have to stop blaming yourself for something you didn't have control of."

"She's my best friend, Hotch," JJ began. "I should have taken better care of her."

"Emily is not a child; she can take care of herself. And you're not her mother; you are her friend. Friends are there for each other and well, you are here for her now. Emily wouldn't ask for anything more."

JJ sighed. Of course Emily wouldn't ask for anything more; she was the sweetest person JJ had ever known. She knew Hotch words were right – but she still felt awful for not taking better care of Emily. The older woman had always been there for her and JJ wanted to be there for Emily, too. She then thought what if it had been Garcia who had been kidnapped. Would she be as worried? The computer expert was her best friend, too – no matter what Reid said about superlatives only meaning one. JJ didn't want to know the answer to that. She didn't want to think about it – because deep down in her heart she knew that if it had been Garcia, Emily would have been there for her through everything and all would have been better. Deep down, she knew that if it had been Garcia she wouldn't feel this bad. _But why?_ she asked herself, then stopping the thought before she could answer her own question, afraid of what the answer would be.

***

Emily stirred slightly before opening her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before finally examining the room that she was in. She looked around and was a bit relieved when she saw that she was alone. Lifting her arm, she saw that she was connected to a monitor and an IV tube.

The woman sighed. _I'm at the hospital_, she thought. She didn't remember anything about how she got there but she knew that she was safe now. She shuddered as the memory of what had happened flowed back to her but she managed to control herself. _Control yourself, Emily Prentiss_! she reminded herself. The flashes of emotions on her face were gone in an instant, leaving a very composed – expressionless – Emily.

She jumped a little when she heard someone open the door and she felt blood rush to her brain. _Who is that? Who is that?_ her mind raced when a person walked through the door. She stared.

"Emily?" JJ asked softly when she saw that Emily was wide awake and looking at her bewilderedly. She approached the bed but she maintained her distance as to not scare Emily.

The brunette couldn't think coherently when she saw JJ and heard her voice. _Is she real?_ she asked herself. She didn't respond when the woman in front of her called her name again. _Are you real, Jennifer?_ she repeated the question to herself.

Emily didn't realize that she had voiced her thought until JJ replied, "Yes, Emily, I'm real." Her voice was full with emotions.

Emily's voice was rough as if the older woman had forgotten how to use it, and JJ felt a pang inside when she heard it. She wanted to move closer and hug her friend, but she was afraid that any sudden movements would scare Emily off so she didn't do anything.

"Jenn... JJ," Emily managed to whisper, stumbling upon names. She had never called JJ 'Jennifer' in front of the blonde before – she had called JJ that earlier because Emily thought that she was talking to herself. Emily tried to lift one of her arm – the one that wasn't connected to the IV – and she anticipated the invisible chain that would stop her from moving. But there was no chain now; her arm moved slowly up to where she wanted it to and Emily was relieved. For the first time in she didn't know how long, she had control over her own body again.

JJ took a couple of steps forward when she saw Emily's hand lift up, but then stopped when she saw how uncomfortable Emily looked as she got closer. It hurt her to know that she had made her friend uncomfortable, but it hurt her more to see the struggle for self-control in Emily's eyes – something that usually came naturally to the brunette.

Emily tried to suppress her instinct to back away as JJ moved closer to the bed. _Come on, Prentiss! It's JJ! It's Jennifer, your friend!_ she scolded herself. _But what if it isn't? What if it's just your way to block the monster behind the mask?_ another voice, colder and meaner, added. Emily felt as if someone just poured a bucket of cold water on her. She looked at the younger woman, who looked confused now, and swallowed. She couldn't do this. She opened her mouth to say something, but JJ beat her to it.

"Emily, it's okay. I won't hurt you," the blonde said softly. "I'm not going to move closer, okay? It's alright." JJ pointed to the chair next to Emily's bed. "I'm just going to move the chair over here," she said, trying her best not to cry.

The taller woman watched as JJ moved the chair farther from the bed and sat in it. She was angry at herself for not being able to control her fear. _You are a Prentiss,_ she reminded herself. _You could do this, no matter what_. Emily felt so drained and tired all of a sudden and her eyelids began to close. _No one could break me_ was her last thought before she fell asleep.

Seeing that Emily was asleep now, JJ didn't bother to hold back her tears. She cried silently, biting her lower lip so that she didn't make any sounds. _What happened to you, Emily? What has she done to you?_

_.  
_

"_What breaks in a moment may take years to mend."_

-Anonymous-

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**a/n: Thanks for reading. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/n: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts. :) I hope I don't bore you guys with the long gap in updating. Been extra busy. I hope you will also enjoy this one. **

**Dedication: For my beta, Ex - congrats on the good grades! :D ((hugs)) You are the best. **

**Disclaimer: Don't I wish it was mine? (a girl can dream, can't she?)

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Chapter 9

"_It's all right to cry. It's all right to hurt. It's all right to be confused. Hope will rebuild landmarks. Hope will outlive the broken hearts. Hope will outlive the disillusioned."_

-Alan Cox-

.

Emily was sitting on her bed with a book lying on her lap when JJ entered the room. The brunette was staring out the window. She looked pale and tired but her expression was composed and calm. She turned in JJ's direction and gave the younger woman a weak smile.

JJ smiled back at her, hiding her worry and sadness. It had been about three days since they had found Emily. The doctor had informed them that Emily was healing well physically; the injected drugs had run through her system completely and the doctor had said that it wouldn't cause any further damage to her body – even though he had also told Emily to avoid taking any pain medications for at least a year, just in case. So it wasn't Emily's physical state that worried JJ, but rather the lack of emotional display that raised her concern.

The brunette had been helpful with their investigation; she had answered all the questions about her kidnapping in a professional manner and she had even added some profiling to the case – as if she was talking about someone else. She hid so well behind her professional mask that even Hotch frowned. The unit chief had asked if Emily wanted to talk but the woman had refused the offer firmly, saying that everything was under control.

No, JJ knew that everything was far from 'under control'. The blonde had hardly left Emily's side since they had found her and JJ had seen how Emily reacted when the brunette was asleep. JJ could tell that Emily had nightmares every time the older woman closed her eyes. JJ was there every time that Emily woke up in cold sweat, disoriented and scared. JJ was there to see the horrified look in Emily's eyes. Everything that JJ had seen hurt her.

"Hey," JJ greeted. She lifted a small brown paper bag she was holding and showed it to Emily. "I brought something for you; thought you might like it," she said. JJ put the bag on the bedside table and took a seat. The blonde had carefully put the chair not too close to the bed. She had seen how Emily had reacted before when people – even the doctor and nurses – got too close to her. Everyone had learned not to stand too close to Emily now, unless the woman asked them to. She watched as Emily reached for the bag and opened it. She smiled when Emily beamed as the brunette saw what was inside the bag.

"Wow, chocolates! Thank you JJ," Emily said gratefully. She smiled at the younger woman.

"You're welcome," JJ replied, happy that Emily seemed to like her gift. She watched contentedly as Emily started to eat the chocolates – the older woman had eaten so little lately – and smiled back whenever Emily looked at her and smiled.

JJ was thinking about how Emily had said her name the past three days. She noticed that Emily always called her 'JJ' whenever the older woman was awake but every time the brunette had nightmares she called JJ 'Jennifer'. JJ didn't know if it was her that Emily was calling for in her dreams. If it was, she wanted to know why. The blonde didn't mind being called 'Jennifer' by Emily. She wasn't used to it, but it was okay by her.

"What are you thinking about?" Emily asked softly, making JJ's head whip upwards. The profiler was frowning. "Is anything wrong?" she asked again with concern.

The press liaison blinked. "Oh. No, sorry, I was thinking about something silly," JJ replied.

The frown didn't leave Emily's face when she said, "You didn't seem to think it was something silly, JJ. What is it?"

JJ sighed. Emily could be persistent at times. She moved to sit on the bed when Emily asked her to silently by patting on a space next to her. So far Emily hadn't let anyone else but JJ sit next to her on Emily's bed. "I'm just thinking about work; it's nothing, really," the blonde said.

Emily leaned back against her pillow in a semi-sitting position. She knew JJ was lying and she guessed that it had something to do with the case – her case. "Yesterday when you thought I was asleep I heard you talk with Hotch about the Mendell woman. I only heard parts of it, but I'm sure I heard you say something about not wanting to do it," Emily began, watching JJ's face to see her reaction. When she saw JJ's expression harden, she continued, "What did Hotch ask you to do, JJ? What did he want? What did _she_ want?"

The younger woman shivered at Emily's words. Emily's sentence was full of hatred and sounded bitter. Their eyes met and JJ couldn't tear hers away from Emily's deep gaze. "Emily," JJ pleaded. She didn't know what to say and even if she had, she didn't know how to say it.

"Don't!" Emily shook her head. "Stop hiding things from me, JJ. Stop trying to protect me. You can't hide everything forever. I'm not a child. I know what happened and I can deal with it. So please, don't try to filter out whatever information you think I can't handle; 'cause I can and I will handle it."

JJ felt as if Emily had slapped her on her face. All she had wanted to do was to protect the older woman from more harm and heartache, but apparently Emily didn't appreciate it. On the one hand, JJ understood completely how frustrated Emily must be – being kept in the dark about something that concerned her, but on the other hand JJ wanted Emily to close that chapter of her life – the fearful couple of days that had torn Emily's soul. JJ opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't find words.

"I will ask Hotch if you don't tell me," Emily added coldly. She didn't sound like Emily at all. She sounded different – distant. "I will ask Hotch and I will make him tell me."

"It's not fair," JJ said, half whispering. "You're not being fair with me, Emily."

The brunette raised her eyebrows. "Fair? Tell me what you mean by 'fair', Jennifer. I was the one who was kidnapped and tortured; I was the one who was cut and beaten; I was the one who almost died! Tell me if it's fair to keep me in the dark about _my_ own kidnapping!" Emily spat sarcastically. She didn't want to do it to JJ; she didn't want to put JJ in this position, but Emily was angry – angry at not knowing; angry at not being able to do anything; angry at having to be protected; and the worst was Emily that was angry at herself for treating JJ like crap.

Before JJ could say a word, someone opened the door. Hotch and Garcia entered the room and they stopped on their tracks, sensing the tension in the room. Garcia opened her mouth to say an awkward 'hi' when JJ suddenly bolted from the room, looking as if she was about to burst in tears. Garcia looked at Emily, who was now staring at the wall on the other side of the room. Then the computer analyst turned to Hotch.

The unit chief nodded at the door, asking Garcia to follow JJ. The woman nodded back and left the room without saying anything. Hotch closed the door behind him after Garcia left. He sighed. Being caught up in the middle of an 'argument' between two women was the last thing he wanted. Slowly, he walked towards the bed, stopping just a couple of steps away from Emily – keeping his distance.

"Prentiss?" he called. The woman didn't turn to look at him. "Emily, look at me please," Hotch repeated. This time, Emily turned her head. The brunette looked beat; her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she was going to cry. "Do you want to talk about it?" Hotch offered. The older man wanted to help, but he couldn't do it unless Emily let him.

"There's nothing to talk about, Hotch," Emily replied tiredly, "Please... just leave me alone."

Hotch turned around and Emily thought that the man would leave her alone. Instead, he sat on a chair, facing Emily. "I can't do that. You're hurting yourself by not saying anything," he said. "Emily, I'm not here as your boss; I'm here as a friend and I want to help you. You know I can't do so if you don't let me help you." When the woman didn't say anything, Hotch continued, "You know you can trust me."

Emily stared into the space. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Hotch was beginning to think that the brunette didn't want to talk when Emily broke the silence. "How?" she asked with a raspy voice; her eyes still fixed on the wall in front of her.

"I beg your pardon?" Hotch asked back, confused by the sudden question.

The brunette glanced at Hotch. "How can you ask me to trust you when you don't trust me?" Emily retorted. "How can I trust you when you hide things from me? You didn't tell me a thing about the investigation. Hotch, for God's sake, I'm not only some victim – I'm also a part of the team! I'm tired of being victimized. If you can't stop treating me like a victim instead of an agent, how can you expect me to see you as my boss? And how can you expect me to see you as a friend? You haven't treated me like one!" Emily didn't give Hotch a chance to reply. She kept on talking. And Hotch let her – he knew she needed the outburst.

"What do you want me to do then?" Hotch finally got a chance to ask when Emily stopped talking. "Emily, we didn't mean to keep things from you. We just thought that you weren't ready yet. I'm sorry if that hurt you. I'm sorry that we made you feel left out. It wasn't our intention. It wasn't _my _intention."

Emily didn't say anything. She didn't mean to blow up like that – she hated herself for not being able to control her tongue. The tirade had sapped her energy and now she was so tired. She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes, biting back the tears that threatened to fall. Emily had never hated herself more than she did now.

***

"JJ, wait!" Garcia called out to her friend, trying to keep up with JJ's long steps. "JJ!"

The press liaison kept on going. They reached the parking lot and Garcia was now shouting at her, asking her to stop. JJ stopped walking and turned back, not wanting to make a scene. "What?" she snapped at Garcia with a low voice. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she wiped them away angrily with the back of her hand. She didn't want to talk to anyone; all she wanted to do was crawl in to the back of her car and cry her heart out. She was surprised when Garcia pulled her into a hug. The warmth of her friend's body seeped into her and JJ couldn't stop herself from crying. JJ let Garcia lead her into JJ's car.

Garcia let the younger woman cry. She didn't know what had happened between Emily and JJ back in the room, but she knew that JJ needed the release. After about half an hour, JJ's crying subsided. The press liaison leaned against the car seat behind her, feeling very tired. Her face was a mess and her eyes were puffy.

"You okay?" Garcia finally asked. She stroked JJ's shoulder, trying to comfort JJ. "What happened?"

JJ nodded. "Yeah," she replied, "Thanks." She took a deep breath and felt a stab of pain in her heart. New tears began to form in her eyes as she remembered Emily. She bit back a sob. "Emily was angry with me," she said. "She was angry because I kept things from her – things about the investigation. She wanted to know. I just... I didn't want her to know. It will hurt her."

"Oh, Jayj," Garcia said emphatically. "I understand that. I understand that you don't want to hurt her. I know you only want to protect her. But you know you can't do it forever – sooner or later Emily has to know about everything; and she has the right to know."

"But she doesn't have to know everything now!" JJ argued. "She's not fit enough for it. You weren't there when she was having nightmares; you didn't see her. I was! I saw her; I heard her; I felt her fear."

"What exactly did she want to know?" Garcia asked straight to the point.

JJ told her. She told her friend about her conversation with Hotch the previous day and she saw Garcia's eyes widened in disbelief. Apparently the computer tech didn't know about it, either.

_Flashback:_

_JJ suspected something was wrong when Hotch came alone to the hospital. It was early in the morning and Emily was still asleep. Hotch looked rather uncomfortable and the unit chief kept on glancing at the bed. _

"_Is something wrong, Hotch?" JJ asked. _

_Hotch didn't reply at first. He was trying to find the right words. What he was about to tell JJ wasn't something easy. "JJ," he began. "I really don't know how to tell you this. I wish I have another choice."_

_The blonde frowned. She locked her gaze with Hotch's deep brown eyes and what she was able to read there worried her. "What now?" she sounded defeated._

"_Sara Mendell – the kidnapper – she... she requested to talk to you," There, he had finally said it. Hotch watched as JJ's eyes widened; first with surprised, then with anger. "The woman refused to talk with anyone else. She had even refused to speak with her lawyer. She wanted you."_

_JJ was at a loss for words. She was taken aback. She was baffled. But her confusion was quickly replaced with rage. The blonde gritted her teeth. "Why?" she asked. "What does she expect to get from me?"_

_Hotch shook his head. "I don't know. I truly don't know," he said. "JJ, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'm just telling you this because I don't want to hide things from you. If you want to do this, okay – we'll do it. And we'll do it on _our_ terms, not hers. But if you don't do this, I will not force you to. I don't care if we don't know what her motives were; she will still rot in Federal prison any ways."_

_JJ waved her hand in front of Hotch, silently asking the man for some time to think. The blonde glanced at the sleeping figure on the bed._ Emily,_ she thought, _Emily, what should I do? Emily what should I do?_ Her hand started to shake and JJ had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from shaking. No, she couldn't do it. She told Hotch that seeing the Mendell woman was the last thing she wanted and that if JJ ever saw the woman again JJ would rip her into pieces with her own bare hands. _

_Hotch understood. He didn't blame JJ for feeling that way. He would feel the same if it had been his son or even Haley. He patted JJ on the shoulder and left, leaving JJ with her own thoughts._

...

"How could she possibly think that you're willing to talk to her?" Garcia asked. "That Mendell woman is a nut job!"

JJ sighed. "She has the ace card, Garcia," JJ said. "She knows we want to know 'why' and 'how'. She knows she can use that card against us to torture Emily more." JJ didn't say it, but she also knew that Hotch wanted her to find out why. Only the unit chief was too compassionate to force JJ to do something she didn't want to do.

The two women sat in silence, each with their own thoughts. A few minutes later JJ's phone rang. It was Morgan. JJ wanted to reject the call, but she had worked with the Bureau long enough to know better. She answered it.

Morgan sounded annoyed when JJ asked him what was wrong. The dark agent told her everything then hung up after asking about Emily. JJ frowned. Everything was just getting better, not. The blonde let out an audible sigh that almost sounded like a frustrated groan.

"Great!" she snapped. "This is just getting better and better."

"What is it?" Garcia enquired. From the look on JJ's face, everything was far from getting better and the computer analyst prepared herself to hear the worst. Thoughts ran into her head – Mendell managed to run away; they have to let Mendell go for lack of evidence; something was wrong with the process.

"Ambassador Prentiss just called Section Chief Strauss," JJ retorted. "She is waiting for the public apology – nationwide – or she will sue."

.

"_Pride is insolence; and belief in human power is impiety."_

- Bertrand Russell -


	10. Chapter 10

**A/n: Hey guys, sorry for not updating for so long.. been ill, been lazy. I really didn't realize it's been quite a time since the last time I updated. **

**Happy holiday all!! Hope you enjoy this one. **

**Disclaimer: not mine.

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Chapter 10 

"_Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."_

-Tom Gates-

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Emily was asleep by the time JJ and Garcia came back to the room. Hotch was sitting alone, reading a book. The unit chief raised his head and nodded at the two women. He closed the book and put it on the table in front of him.

JJ peered at the bed. "Is she okay?" she whispered, not wanting to wake Emily up. "Sorry I left like that."

Hotch shook his head. "No need to apologize. You needed some time alone – and she needed the time herself. Are you okay?" the tall man asked, concerned. "Morgan called me a few times, but I was talking with Prentiss. I got his text message, though. What are you going to do about it?"

The young press liaison gave Hotch a defeated smile. She shook her head and said sadly, "I have no choice, do I? I have to do it. Even if I refuse to apologize, Strauss will make me do it or she will mess with you and the team."

"JJ," Hotch began but JJ cut him off.

"No, Hotch, you know I'm right. I know that Strauss will do anything to break up the team; she'll use any means possible. I don't want to be the reason why she split up the team. I won't let her hurt us like this. I won't let her hurt Emily like this," JJ stated.

"I don't recall asking for your protection, Jennifer." An angry voice came from the bed and the three agents turned their heads. Emily was sitting up straight on her bed, looking angry. She glared at JJ. "Do you mind telling me what this is all about? Or am I too fragile to know about this too?" the brunette asked sarcastically.

Hotch noticed that Emily had used sarcasm more frequently since she came back and he wondered if it became the woman's new defence mechanism. He glanced over at JJ to see the blonde's reaction.

JJ shifted uncomfortably. Making Emily angry was the last thing she wanted, but she didn't think that telling Emily about JJ's little problem with Ambassador Prentiss would lessen Emily's anger. She glanced at Hotch and saw the older man nod. JJ watched as Hotch and Garcia stood up; both agents smiled encouragingly at her.

"We'll leave you two. I think you need to talk," Hotch stated. He led Garcia to the door and left.

After the other two had left, the two women stared at each other wordlessly for a couple of minutes. JJ felt uneasy and she could see that Emily wasn't going to break the silence. JJ's mind fought with the battle whether to tell her friend about the matter or not.

_What if she gets angrier when she hears? What if she pushes me away? What if she thinks I was being impolite to her mother and she doesn't want to see me again? What if she blames me? _JJ's mind couldn't stop asking those questions. But then she had other concerns, _what if she feels abandoned by her own mother? What if I make her sad if I tell her? What if she feels unwanted?_

Emily could see the emotional battle in JJ's mind through her blue eyes and her demeanour softened slightly. "JJ?" she called out. The blonde blinked; Emily saw a teardrop fall from the side of her right eye and she felt like a jerk. "JJ, I... I'm sorry."

JJ shook her head. She wiped the teardrop away and took a deep breath, not letting any other teardrops fall. "No, Emily – I'm sorry. I'm sorry I kept things from you," JJ said. She stood up and walked towards Emily's bed. "I shouldn't have done it – I wasn't being fair to you. But Emily, I want you to know that it wasn't my intention to hurt you. I just... I guess I wasn't thinking. I care so much about you and I don't want you to get hurt again. You've been hurt enough." The younger woman stood by the bed, her hand resting on the mattress – only a couple of inches from Emily's own hand. Their eyes locked.

Emily could feel her heart beating faster as the depth of JJ's blue eyes consumed her. The brunette felt so warm inside – something she had always felt whenever JJ was around – but she couldn't explain the warmth. Her pale complexion coloured as blood rushed to her face. _What the hell are you thinking, Emily Prentiss?_ A cold voice reprimanded her. Emily shivered as she recognized the voice – it was Sara Mendell's. All of the sudden the woman felt dizzy and nauseated; she felt dirty.

The younger woman saw the abrupt change. She knew where this would lead – another disorientation; another horrible moment of seeing Emily in her own terror – and she had to bring Emily back to her fast. "Emily," she called. The brunette didn't respond; her eyes stared blankly into the space. "Emily!" JJ repeated, more persistent this time. When JJ didn't get a response, she took hold of Emily's hand without thinking.

In a split second, JJ let go of her hand when she saw Emily begin to hyperventilate. The media liaison mentally smacked herself for being so stupid. Emily didn't like to be touched. JJ had seen how the brunette avoided even the slightest touch from JJ and the nurses.

"Emily, sweetheart, look at me, please," JJ pleaded. She waited for a reaction from Emily, and when the taller woman finally blinked, JJ let out a relieved sigh. "Em? Are you back with me?"

The older woman nodded. She didn't protest when JJ helped her lie down. "She's still here inside my mind," Emily whispered after a while. The woman sounded tired and helpless and JJ wanted to hug her. "I can't make her leave."

It was the first time JJ heard Emily admit that she wasn't okay – even though not directly. "I'm sorry, Emily. I'm so sorry. I wish there were something I could do," JJ whispered back. She was surprised when Emily moved her hand and touched the tips of JJ's fingers. They stayed like that in silence, each enjoying the feel of the other's skin.

***

"Sir, do you think it is okay to leave them alone?" Garcia asked, concerned. The two agents were sitting in the waiting room, not far from Emily's room.

"They need to talk about it," Hotch replied. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea, leaving the two women alone – one was emotionally unstable and angry, while the other one felt guilty. "Maybe this way they will be able to admit their feelings towards each other," he mumbled.

Garcia's eyes widened. "What?" the tech analyst asked. Hotch couldn't possibly know that JJ had special feelings for Emily, could he?

Hotch eyed Garcia carefully. "Prentiss needs to admit that everything is not okay; she needs to admit that she needs help. And JJ – she needs to admit her fear of losing Prentiss again. It's not unhealthy. They have been through a traumatic event. What matters now is how they deal with it. If they keep their fears to themselves, they won't be able to leave this behind them. We can't do anything, it's up to them."

Garcia nodded. The blonde sensed that there was something else underlying Hotch's statement, but she didn't say anything. "I see," was her only response. She glanced sideways when someone passed in the hallway. The computer tech thought that the person was rather familiar. "Oh dear!" she gasped as she realized who that person was. "Hotch, Ambassador Prentiss is here!"

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_"Because watching the world, I don't understand... It just makes much more sense with my hand in your hand."_

-Jape-


	11. Chapter 11

**A/n: Sorry it took me so long to post a new instalment. I was busy (again) and well... I seem to have lost interest in this story (coz I don't know where I want to go with this). But I'll do my best to finish it. Thank you for everyone who has commented, alerted, and favourite-ed the story. :) And thank you for reading.  
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**Disclaimer: never mine. If it were mine I'd just turn CM into another Los Hombres De Paco series. **

**Dedication: **

**For Ex, thank you very much for the beta. :) You're simply the best.  
**

**For all Malaysians whose churches were destroyed – I'm sorry. They shouldn't have done it. :(

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Chapter 11

"_You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life you're messing with their entire life. Everything… affects everything."_

-Jay Asher-

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Emily watched JJ closely as the younger woman entered the room after Ambassador Prentiss had left. Emily could see that JJ's eyes had filled with worry and she frowned. Her mother must have said something to the younger woman, and Emily knew the likelihood of her getting JJ to spill was slim to none. Emily sighed inside. She needed to think.

"JJ," she called out. The blonde raised her head with a questioning look and a tired smile on her face. "Did my mother say anything to you?"

JJ's body grew tense at Emily's question. Carefully, she put back the glass she had been drinking from on the table, and asked back, "What do you mean, Emily?" JJ knew Emily could sense a lie from a hundred miles away, but she really didn't want to talk about what Ambassador Prentiss had said to her earlier.

The brunette couldn't hide a sinister smirk. _I knew it_, she said. "Nothing," she replied. "Forget about it."

"Di... did your mother say anything to you?" JJ asked, feeling uncomfortable, yet a bit relieved that Emily didn't push her to answer. Emily only smiled in response. JJ didn't know what to do. "She did, didn't she? What was it?"

Emily chuckled. "It isn't fair, is it, JJ; you expect me to answer the questions that you are avoiding? And she is my mother, of course she would say things," the woman replied, watching JJ's reaction. When the younger woman turned away to avoid Emily's gaze, she continued, "I know about the public apology thing, just so you know. I was wondering when you were going to tell me about it."

"Emily, I..." JJ began, but the taller woman cut her off.

"It's okay, JJ. I understand. And you don't have to worry about it, I'll take care of it," the brunette said. They looked at each other, feeling further apart than they had ever felt before. JJ nodded, not knowing what to say. She said something about going to the office and would be back in a couple of hours. Emily stiffened when JJ leaned in and planted a small kiss on her cheek. Before she could react, JJ had left the room.

***

**Location: FBI: BAU**

"Agent Jareau," a firm voice greeted JJ the moment she stepped out of the lift. The blonde looked up and saw Section Chief Erin Strauss standing in front of her office, motioning JJ towards herself.

JJ sighed. Talking with Strauss when she was tired and confused was the last thing she needed. But how could she say no to the boss of her boss? Hotch's team had been a pain for Strauss and JJ didn't want to make everything worse. She followed the older woman to her office, closing the door behind her, and stood awkwardly in the middle of the office.

She was surprised to see there were several other people inside Strauss' office. She recognized all but one – they were other section chiefs and assistant directors. This must have been serious.

"Have a seat, Agent Jareau," Strauss commanded. JJ muttered a thank you and grabbed a chair closest to where she was standing. Before JJ was even fully seated, the section chief had begun to speak again, "This is Matthew Stevenson; he is Ambassador Prentiss' secretary. He has a message from the Ambassador."

JJ frowned. Elizabeth Prentiss hadn't said anything about sending her secretary to the office when they had met earlier in the hospital. The politician had only warned her to think before speaking to avoid more damage. Was this going to be the 'damage' she had mentioned? She glanced at the other agents around and somehow felt worried to see how relaxed their faces were.

"Agent Jareau, Ambassador Prentiss would like to inform you that she has taken back the demand of the public apology," the young man, Stevenson, said. "There will be no legal actions taken and this event never happened in her memory." He smiled at JJ.

JJ didn't smile back. She felt chill down her spine as she heard those words. Emily's words in the hospital were ringing in her ears. "_Don't worry... I'll take care of it_." JJ swallowed hard. She glared at the Ambassador's secretary. "And what does the Ambassador want in return?" she asked.

Section Chief Strauss cut her off before JJ could say another word, "That is very inappropriate of you, Agent Jareau!" she said. "Ambassador Prentiss is a highly respectable woman and she will never want anything in return. You are very lucky she didn't pursue this matter and take it to court."

Stevenson looked sheepishly at JJ and she knew that her words had hit the right spot. JJ didn't say anything else. She was dismissed and she left Strauss' office. JJ went to Hotch's office straight away only to see that the unit chief wasn't in his office.

"JJ? Is something wrong?" Rossi called her out from his own office. He knew something wasn't right when JJ turned around and looked at him desperately. He asked her to come into his office. "What happened?"

JJ shook her head. "I... actually don't know," she said. She told Rossi about Strauss' earlier call to ask her to make the public apology then the Ambassador's visit to the hospital, and Emily's weird reaction after the visit. Then she told the senior agent about the meeting with Strauss and the Ambassador's secretary telling her that she need not make the public apology. She rambled on and Rossi let her. When she had finished, she looked at Rossi confusedly. "I don't understand," she said.

Rossi understood. And he knew that JJ understood, too. The woman just didn't want to admit that she understood everything – Rossi knew that JJ didn't want to accept that Emily had 'protected' her. He patted JJ on the shoulder. Nothing Rossi could say that would be able to make JJ feel better, so the man didn't even try.

***

**Location: Potomac Hospital**

Emily had just finished changing into her clothes when her phone rang. She glanced over to see who was calling, hoping that it wasn't JJ or anyone from the team. When she saw the name of the caller, she sighed.

"I'm ready, Mother," Emily said. She listened for a respond then continued, "No, you don't have to send your _men_ upstairs, I can walk perfectly on my own. I have broken ribs, for god's sake, not a broken leg." Emily ended the phone call and threw the phone onto the hospital bed. "Damn," she swore as pain shot through her broken ribs. She bent over and vomited on the floor. She totally forgot that she was hurt. The tall woman reached for the call button and pressed it hard until a nurse came running.

The nurse tried to help her back onto the bed, but Emily refused. She asked for a wheelchair. The nurse looked at her disbelievingly. "You are not to leave before the doctor checks you out!" she said firmly. Emily glared at the woman and tried to stand up herself. "Ma'am, we need to have you examined first!"

"Just get me the damn wheelchair. My mother and her doctor are waiting downstairs," Emily spat angrily. She was lying about the doctor but the nurse seemed to calm down a little. She left the room and got a wheelchair, insisting on pushing Emily downstairs. "Yeah, whatever floats your boat," the brunette said sarcastically.

Ambassador Prentiss was waiting in the car with a displeased look when Emily finally got into the car. "It took you approximately twenty minutes to travel from the third floor in a wheelchair," were her first words.

Emily looked at her indifferently. "My ribs hurt like hell, and in case you don't remember, I haven't been cleared to leave my bed," she said. The Ambassador didn't reply. They sat in silence for a moment. Emily finally broke the silence. "Have you taken back your stupid demand?" she asked.

Elizabeth Prentiss eyed her daughter carefully. She could see how angry and irritated Emily was and she knew she had won. "Have you written the letter?" the older woman asked back, holding out her hand to her daughter, hoping to get something. Emily nodded. She reached for her back pocket and drew out a folded piece of paper. The young agent practically threw the piece of paper towards the Ambassador, who was now smiling triumphantly. "Yes, I have taken back my request. I'm glad I could talk some sense into you, Emily."

The Ambassador watched as tears filled up Emily's eyes and she was a little taken aback to see it. Emily's voice was cracking up when she hissed, "Screw you." Elizabeth couldn't remember when the last time she had seen her only daughter shed a tear; Emily had never cried in front of other people before – even when she was little, young Emily would show nothing to the world. A tingle of guilty feeling rose in Elizabeth's heart but she swallowed it. _The girl is in pain_, she made an excuse to herself, _of course she can't control her emotions well right now_.

Emily looked away, avoiding her mother's gaze. She swallowed back her tears, repeating the very words she always said to herself when she was about to lose it since she was little. _There will be a time for it later, Emily. Chin up now, everything is going to be okay_. So Emily Prentiss took a deep breath and composed herself. When the car stopped in front of the Ambassador residence, Emily Prentiss looked nothing less than perfect.

***

**Location: JJ's house**

**Time: Two days after Emily left with Ambassador Prentiss**

"JJ, you have to stop blaming yourself!" Garcia said, almost desperately to a curled up figure in bed. "You can't spend your time just lying there in bed and crying! It won't do you any good – it won't bring Emily back! She decided to quit, so be it! Maybe she's just tired of working in the field, or... or maybe she is still scared of what happened to her. It's not your fault at all!"

The younger woman growled back at the mention of Emily's quitting. "Don't you dare bad-mouth her decision! She wouldn't have quit if it weren't for me!" JJ shouted. New tears were now streaming down her cheeks. "You know nothing about it, so shut up!"

Garcia looked at her friend helplessly. JJ was so pale, and sad, and Garcia couldn't help but feel for the younger woman. She took JJ into her arms and held the woman there until her sobs subsided. "Ssshh ...It's okay, JJ. It's okay," she whispered into JJ's hair. "Everything is going to be okay."

JJ calmed down a little after a few minutes. She told Garcia what she knew to be the truth behind Emily's resignation. Hotch had informed the team that Emily was requesting transfer from the field office for personal problems. Everyone knew it was a lie – they thought Emily wasn't ready to be back yet; and when Hotch had informed them further that Emily had really resigned from the FBI, they felt so betrayed. They had thought Emily wanted to avoid them, ashamed of being 'victimized'. The news about Emily's resignation had really diverted them from the fact that JJ didn't have to make the public apology – no one remembered it, no one mentioned it. And JJ felt so guilty for not telling them the truth.

"Are you sure that Emily resigned in exchange for her mother taking back her demand?" Garcia asked. It all started to make sense but she still couldn't believe it. Why would someone like Emily want to give up her dream job only to prevent a simple public apology? Garcia really couldn't understand. She knew JJ would be greatly humiliated if the press liaison made the apology, but that was it – a onetime interoffice gossip. JJ wouldn't be affected much by it.

"A public apology would destroy my career, Garcia, and Emily knew that perfectly," JJ answered Garcia's unvoiced question. "She knew that I would never be able to leave it behind me – and she knew that my family would never let me forget," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. She looked up and met Garcia's blue eyes. "You know," the blonde said to her friend, her voice started to crack up again. "I would give anything to talk to Emily right now. I miss her so bad it hurts."

Garcia was at a loss of words. There was something in JJ's words that hinted a deeper meaning, and the woman could see that JJ herself didn't know how her last sentence had sounded. She contemplated her choice of words before finally suggested, "Then do something to bring her back and tell her how she has made you feel all the while."

JJ gave her friend a sad smile. "If I could do it, do you think I would still be here talking to you?" she said. The blonde lay back down on her bed, clutching her pillow. "You know, there might be something I can do."

"And what is that?" Garcia asked carefully, hoping that JJ's ideas wouldn't involve her getting hurt.

"Emily is dead stubborn – I won't be able to meet her even if I beg and cry. But," JJ began, her eyes gleaming with excitement, "but if I make her angry, there is a chance that she will come back. Great. I'll just do it." She leaped off her bed and grabbed her phone. JJ dialled one of her speed-dial numbers and waited for the other line to connect.

"What?" the tech goddess asked. "JJ? What are you planning to do?"

JJ ignored the shorter woman completely. "Hotch," she said the moment the other line picked up. "Please set up my meeting with Sara Mendell. Yes, I'm going to talk to her."

.

"_Sometimes you have to do what you don't like to get to where you want to be."_

-Tori Amos-


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I know it's been so long since the last time I updated and most of you might have forgotten that this story even existed. I didn't mean to abandon this story; I just couldn't find the right words to write. Well, I finally managed to find some words.**

**This work is beta-ed by the amazing Auraya-of-the-White. And if you still find misspelled words or weird grammar, that means I missed to edit it; the blame is on me :) **

**I don't know if anyone will still read this – I sure hope so. And I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: see chapter 1.**

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Chapter 12

"_Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds."_

-Franklin D. Roosevelt-

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**Location: Prentiss manor, outside D.C.**

**Time: Three days after resignation.**

Emily was replenishing her glass of liquor, when the phone rang. She frowned. She hadn't gotten many phone calls during her stay in her mother's house. "Pre-... -hello?" Emily answered her phone. It wasn't easy to get rid of her habit of saying 'Prentiss' when answering the phone. "What do you want?" she asked tiredly, when she recognized the caller's voice.

The brunette was about to hit the 'end call' button when the caller said something that caught her attention. "You are not serious," she said, her voice faltering. "Please say you're not serious!" Emily's lips quivered and she felt her knees weaken. The woman tumbled to the closest armchair, sweat forming on her forehead. "What was she fucking thinking?" she whispered, more to herself than to her caller. She didn't bother saying goodbye before ending the call.

She sat motionless for some time. The more she thought about the information she just got, the angrier she became. She reached for the drink in front of her and emptied the glass in one big gulp. The feel of the liquor burning down her throat made her feel worse. She stood up with force, only to feel a shot of pain cross her ribs. "Damn!" she muttered.

As she was about to leave the room, the door opened. Elizabeth Prentiss stood on the doorway, looking disapprovingly at Emily. "You've been drinking," she said accusingly.

Emily snorted. "Yeah, a cow could see it too," she replied sarcastically, "Good to know your eyes are better than your judgements." She walked past her mother and flinched when the Ambassador grabbed her arm to stop her. The younger woman took a couple of steps back with a panic look, her hand impulsively reaching for her waist, where her gun was usually secured. "Back off!" she barked angrily; her breathing hitched.

Ambassador Prentiss lifted her hands in front of her and took a step backward. A worried look flashed on her eyes for a moment before they turned back into their usual mask of confidence. The family doctor had told her that Emily might react differently to touch and that the Ambassador must be very careful not to invade her daughter's personal space. Elizabeth had laughed it off, saying that her daughter was too strong to be affected by a mere abduction. She wasn't so sure anymore.

"Emily," she started. She could see that Emily wasn't in her right mind. "Emily!" the Ambassador said again in a firmer tone.

The sharp tone in Elizabeth Prentiss' voice pierced through Emily clouded mind. Her mother's voice had always been able to magic slap her into reality ever since Emily was a kid. The slender woman blinked hard. "Just... leave me alone, will you?" she asked weakly.

Elizabeth Prentiss shook her head. She didn't know what to do with her daughter. She saw how unhappy Emily had been since she returned home. She didn't understand; all she wanted was for Emily to have the best things in life. The Ambassador glanced at the half empty bottle on the coffee table and sighed. She was sure that Emily's flashbacks were caused by the liquor.

"You have to stop drinking if you want to get better, Emily," Elizabeth said in a disapproving tone.

"Or what?" Emily snapped angrily. She was embarrassed for losing control in front of her mother – the one person she didn't want to show weakness to. "You're going to shove me under the carpet like you did your husband?"

Elizabeth Prentiss eyes widened in anger. Emily had pushed the right buttons. "Emily Prentiss! Don't you dare bring your father into this!" she growled.

"Why? It's true! He drank too much so you got rid of him! I might have been a child then, Mother, but I wasn't blind!" Emily said, feeling pain inside her, as an old emotional wound ripped open. "Has it never crossed your oh-so-brilliant mind the reason for why he drank all the time? He was a drunk because he couldn't stand living with you! Don't you realize that you're a pain to live with?" Emily was panting as she ended her outburst. She looked straight into Elizabeth Prentiss, daring the older woman to do something due to her rudeness. To her surprise, the Ambassador said nothing. She only looked back into Emily's eyes for a second before turning her back and left the living room without saying another word.

Never in her life had Emily ever felt more apologetic towards her mother. She didn't mean to hurt her mother no matter how impossible Elizabeth Prentiss could be sometimes. Emily was angry, but that didn't give her the right to be rude. And she knew that her broken family wasn't all Elizabeth Prentiss' fault. Her father had had his share of blame, too.

The brunette sighed. She took the bottle of liquor and put it back on its place. "No more drinks for you, Emily Prentiss," she whispered to herself. The woman sat in the armchair and closed her eyes. Her mind was hazy and she was at loss. She thought that resignation had been the best thing to do – she had to do it to save JJ from humiliation; now she wasn't so sure anymore. Emily wanted to see JJ. Badly. She wanted to say how sorry she was for leaving her without saying goodbye. She wanted to tell JJ that her resignation had nothing to do with the blonde – that it was her own choice. But she knew that JJ would look right through her and spot the lies.

"Oh, Jennifer, what am I to do with you?" she said. Emily sat motionlessly for a couple of hours. She opened her eyes when she heard a faint knock on the closed door. She frowned. Nobody in their right mind dared to disturb Emily when she hid herself in a room. The maids in the house knew well enough to stay out of sight when they saw Emily walk in their direction – the Ambassador had informed them that Emily wasn't well and should not be disturbed.

"Come in," she invited reluctantly. The door opened and their butler, James, entered.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss Prentiss. There's a Mr. David Rossi here to see you," James informed her with an apologetic look. "I have told him that you're not to be disturbed, but he insisted. He said it was important."

Emily nodded. "It's okay, James. Let him in."

A minute later, David Rossi entered the room with James, who then left them and closed the door behind him.

"Hey," Emily began – not knowing what to say. "You didn't have to come, really."

Rossi smiled. He took a seat before Emily and looked at the younger woman with a sympathetic expression. "I wanted to. How are you holding up?"

Emily shrugged. "I'm good," she replied. She saw Rossi smirk and added, "Well, really... What do you expect? My mother controls who I am allowed to see and what I am allowed to do. I have no job; I don't go out; I am basically on house arrest. You know that – you call me every day like a damn good ol' father."

"And you also know that I didn't ask you about it," said the senior agent. "What are you going to do about the thing I told you about?"

"I don't know. What do you think I should do?" Emily asked back tiredly. "JJ is relentless. She won't stop until she gets answers. But what answers can I provide her if I don't even know what her questions are? Can you do something about it?" Emily stood up and started pacing around the room. "Can you tell Hotch not to let her see that...that woman?" she couldn't bring herself to say the name of her kidnapper.

"Emily, you know I can't. Only you can tell JJ not to see her," the older man said. "Now why don't you come with me and tell her yourself that you don't want her to see Mendell?"

"I can't! I prom... I.. I just can't!" Emily gritted her teeth as she almost let slip the truth behind her resignation to Rossi.

Rossi eyed Emily carefully. He wasn't stupid. Everyone on the team had suspected that Emily's resignation had something to do with the Ambassador's demand of public apology from JJ. What Emily didn't say had confirmed their suspicions.

"Why did you do it, Emily?" Rossi asked after a few moments of silence. "Why did you quit?"

"Because I will do anything to protect JJ," was the answer.

"And what about you?" he asked again. He sighed when Emily looked at him confused. "Who will protect you?"

The brunette blushed; she replied in a dark tone, "I don't need protection."

Rossi nodded. "If you're so persistent that you don't need protection, why do you think that JJ needs it? She is a big girl. And even if she does need it, what makes you think that _you_ are the one who can protect her?"

"Because!" Emily's voice raised a pitch. She felt as if Rossi had slapped her across the face. She frowned. "Just... why are you here, Dave?" Emily asked irritably. "Did Hotch send you? Did JJ ask you to?"

The older agent stood up and walked a few steps until he was close to the woman. "I'm here because I care, Emily. And I don't want you to regret your decision when it's too late. Screw whatever promises you made. You did what you could to keep it. No one can make things right for you; you're the only one who can," he said patiently. He turned away and moved towards the door. Rossi reached the handle of the door and he was about to open it, when he remembered something. "You know, the only reason why JJ agreed to meet Sara Mendell was because she wanted you to come back. She knows that begging can't bring you back. She loves you, Emily."

Again, Emily was left alone with her thoughts. JJ was her best friend. Emily loved JJ too. Emily loved the blonde so much that sometimes – like this time – she wondered if their friendship had meant something else. She shoved the thought away. _No way_, she said to herself.

.

**Location: FBI: BAU**

"JJ, a word, please?" Hotch called out from his office when he saw JJ come in. The blonde walked briskly to Hotch's office. The unit chief burrowed his brow when he saw the dark circles under JJ's eyes. The young woman looked tired. He waited until JJ had sat down comfortably before asking, "Are you sure about this, JJ?"

JJ didn't pretend that she had no idea what Hotch was enquiring about, and she didn't pretend that she was perfectly sure about doing it. "No, Hotch, I'm not sure," she replied softly. "I'm scared," the woman admitted.

"Then you don't have to do it," Hotch said. "Mendell will still be sent to state prison anyway."

The press liaison shook her head. "No, Hotch, you don't understand," she said. "I'm not doing this because I want to. I'm doing it because I have to. I... I have to bring Emily back. I want – need – to talk to her."

Hotch sank back into his seat. He had suspected that JJ's motive was more personal than professional, but he hadn't suspected that her goal was to draw Emily out of her hiding place. He was speechless. He stared at JJ for some time and the woman stared back. "Why?" he finally asked.

"She is my friend," JJ answered without thinking.

"Reid is your friend, too," Hotch said and regretted it immediately when he saw JJ's eyes brightened with anger. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that," he corrected himself.

"I was worried about Reid," JJ said in a colder tone, ignoring Hotch's partial apology. "I was worried about Garcia when she was shot, too. This is different, Hotch. Reid and Garcia might have shut us all out, but at least they were here when they struggled – we could see them, we could save them. Where is Emily now? Is she here? God knows where the Ambassador took her!"

"I can take you to her, if that's what you want," Rossi's voice made the two younger agents turned around in surprise. "Sorry I barged in, didn't know you were busy," he apologised.

JJ practically jumped from her seat, nearly knocking it down. "What do you mean you can take me to her? You know where she is?"

Rossi shrugged. "Yeah, I call her every day and she told me where she is," he said. The senior agent felt a little guilty for not telling the team that he was still in contact with Emily but he assumed that Emily would tell them herself when she was ready.

"You knew and you didn't tell me!" JJ accused him bitterly. She couldn't believe that Rossi could do that to her. "Who else knew?" she turned to Hotch with an accusing look, but the unit chief wore the same shocked expression that she did.

"Nobody else, I guess," said Rossi apologetically. "Look, JJ, if you want to talk to her, I can take you there. You'll only hurt her if you talk to Mendell – it won't do anyone any good."

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**Location: Prentiss manor**

Dinner was filled with silence. Only Emily and Elizabeth sat at the dining table and no one said a word. Ambassador Prentiss watched her daughter carefully, as subtlety as possible, but not saying anything.

Emily knew she was being watched – being inspected, but she pretended that she didn't notice. She was sure that her mother expected an apology for what she had said that afternoon, but she didn't feel like apologising now. She thought it would be better if her mother gave her the silence treatment – the Ambassador wouldn't bother scrutinising Emily if the older woman refused to talk, and that would suit Emily well.

Emily didn't even raise her head when the Ambassador finally folded her napkin and stood up. The older woman looked at her daughter. She was about to say something when their butler entered the dining room with an uneasy expression.

"What is it, James?" asked the Ambassador.

"There's a Mr. David Rossi for Miss Prentiss, Ambassador," James informed, glancing back and forth between the two Prentiss women.

Emily raised her eyebrows. Two visits in a day – Rossi must be crazy, she thought. Ambassador Prentiss glared at her daughter. "How did Agent Rossi know you stay here?" she asked. "You promised."

"I told him," Emily replied matter of factly. "I promised to quit the BAU and stay with you. I promised not to say a word about the stupid resignation. I didn't promise not to talk with any of my friends." She glanced at James, somehow thankful that he didn't mention that Rossi was here earlier that morning. "Please escort Mr. Rossi to the study, James. Thank you." Emily smiled. She stood up and walked past her mother with a smug expression.

"Emily," the Ambassador stopped her. "We will talk."

"Oh, bring it on, Mother. I don't care anymore," Emily said. She shook her head and chuckled, leaving her mother behind. She didn't know that the Ambassador was actually relieved to see that her daughter had seemed to resort back to her old self. Elizabeth Prentiss just hoped that this wasn't just another Emily's defence mechanism.

"What now, Rossi?" Emily asked as she entered the study. She wasn't paying attention to the other figure standing in the shadows until the figure moved to the light.

"Emily," JJ whispered, fearing that she would scare Emily. The blonde wasn't sure how Emily would react and she had prepared herself for the worse. The older woman glared angrily at Rossi and JJ added, "Please don't blame him. I insisted he take me here."

Emily ignored JJ deliberately. She kept glaring at Rossi for a few seconds longer before finally saying icily, "I am so disappointed, David Rossi."

Rossi shrugged. "I am not sorry, Emily," he said. "You two need to talk. I'll be waiting outside." The senior agent walked to the door. "Oh, and Emily, drop the tone; you sound like your mother," he said before leaving the two women.

JJ was shifting uncomfortably. "Emily," she called out.

"Sit down, Jennifer," Emily nodded to the sofa behind JJ. The brunette walked to the liquor cabinet and opened a bottle of whisky. "Want some?" she offered. JJ shook her head. Emily shrugged. "Suit yourself."

The younger woman watched as Emily filled up a glass. "I don't think you should be drinking, Em," JJ said before she could hold her tongue.

The tall woman sat on the sofa opposite JJ, eyeing the press liaison as she emptied the glass, challenging JJ to stop her. "What do you want, JJ?"

"Why are you avoiding me, Emily?" JJ began. "Why did you quit? Why didn't you tell me where you went? I was worried."

"No reason at all. I'm not avoiding you; I just want to be alone for a while. It's nothing to do with you," Emily lied. She knew JJ didn't buy it but she didn't care.

"Mendell wanted to talk with me," JJ said – noticing a small change in Emily's expression when she mentioned her name. "And I'm going to see her."

"Why?" Emily asked. She felt tired all the sudden. "Can't you just let it go?"

"Emily," JJ leaned forward. "Emily, please don't shut me out like this. Why don't you talk to me? You know I care about you and I'm worried."

"As far as I'm concerned, JJ, we _are_ talking now," replied Emily sarcastically. "And I'm okay. Look at me! I'm fine! I am safe! You don't have to worry about me – my mother's bodyguards won't let anything happen to me. Just... let it go, will you?"

"I can't!" JJ raised her voice. "I can't let it go. I want to know! And you are not fine, Emily Prentiss! You are far from being fine!"

"What do you want to know so badly that you have to talk to that awful woman?" Emily shouted. She cringed and suddenly put her hand over her cracked rib. The pain reminded her that she wasn't well.

JJ knew Emily was in pain, but she also knew that Emily wouldn't let JJ help her. JJ knew Emily demanded an answer from her. "I want to know what you're not telling me," she answered truthfully. "And you can't stop me, Emily." The young agent stood up and picked up her things, getting ready to leave.

Emily sighed, feeling defeated. She watched JJ as the younger woman walked to the door.

JJ was about to leave the room when she felt Emily grab her arm and hug her from behind. She gasped in surprise and a teardrop escaped from the side of her eye. The blonde tried to turn around, but Emily's grip was too tight and she couldn't move. She could smell Emily's scent and she could feel Emily's warm breath blowing on her shoulder.

"Lo siento, mi amor," Emily whispered before letting go, pushing JJ softly towards the door, not wanting the younger woman to see her. "Goodbye, Jennifer," she added as the door closed.

Emily had sat motionless for about an hour when Elizabeth Prentiss entered the study. The young woman stood up to leave the room.

"Not now, Mother. I'm not in the mood," she said.

Ambassador Prentiss eyed her daughter closely. She swept her gaze over the room and noticed the empty glass – no bottle – and secretly smiled. At least Emily was sober. "I saw Agent Jareau on her way out," Elizabeth said lightly. If she was displeased with JJ's unannounced visit to her house, she didn't show it. "Funny how James didn't mention her at all. And I didn't see Agent Rossi," she added.

Emily shrugged, "So?"

"I'm just mentioning it, Emily," the older woman replied. She watched Emily walk to the door without saying another word. "Emily," she called. Her daughter turned around. "Your father and I... we tried," Elizabeth said hesitantly.

"I'm tired, Mother," Emily said weakly. She didn't want her mother to ask her about JJ's visit, but she didn't want to talk about her parents, either. "I don't want to know... not anymore." She left the Ambassador alone – somehow feeling a tad guilty about it.

.

"_I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."_

-Maya Angelou-

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**A/N: Well, what do you think? I can be cruel and say that it is a complete work. Meaning: no happy ending. And yes, for the time being, I'm sorry to say that I'm going to be cruel. I don't know when I will be able to update again or if I'm ever going to update this again so for now, it is a complete work. If one day I happen to find the words to make it a happy ending, I promise I will.**

**Thank you all for reading. It's been an amazing ride with you. **


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